


You Can’t Pretend that Everything is Okay, for the Sake of What You’ve Built

by Elmer_s_s0cks



Category: Newsies - All Media Types
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Domestic Violence, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-23
Updated: 2018-03-01
Packaged: 2019-03-23 01:32:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 23,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13776846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elmer_s_s0cks/pseuds/Elmer_s_s0cks
Summary: The arms that had once been comforting, were now restricting; and the smile that had given him butterflies, now made him sick to his stomach.Elmer knew what love was, and this wasn't it.He could stand it for a little while if it meant that he got to experience those feelings once again-like it was the first time-with someone else.





	1. Vending Machines aren’t a Reliable Source for Reece’s Pieces

The vending machine hummed as it struggled to uncurl and push out a packet of Reece's Pieces. It stopping turning, and the candy hung on the edge. Elmer sighed. He banged on the glass with his free hand, wincing at the loud noise which pounded through his head. 

3am on a Saturday morning, and Elmer was in the ER with a gash on his forehead that need stitches, and a wrist that he was sure was broken. He hung his head and a stray line of blood trickled down his face and onto the floor. He had been here since midnight, and had had an x-ray about an hour ago; and was now waiting to see a consultant to be treated so he could go home. 

"Excuse me, are you Elias....um, Kasp-" The young nurse paused as she struggled to pronounce his name that was written on her blue clip board. 

"It's Kasprzak" Elmer said kindly. Despite being sore and tired, he wasn't going to yell at a trainee nurse for not being able to pronounce his name right. 

"Right, sorry. There's a doctor free to see you now." She said, and lead Elmer to the available practice room-his Reece's Pieces forgotten. 

 

"This is Elias Kasprzak" the nurse smiled at her correct pronunciation. "He has a gash on his forehead and an injured wrist. You should have received the x-ray by now." She truned to Elmer again. "Sorry about the long wait-it's always busy at this hour." 

Elmer smiled at her politeness; "Don't worry about it, it's fine" 

The nurse nodded.

"Thankyou Sarah." Doctor Needham said, and the nurse left-closing the door behind her. 

 

The silence in the room suffocated Elmer. 

"You've been checked over earlier, as i have been told. Your stats are fine and normal." The doctor scrolled down her computer, pulling up the x-ray. "Your wrist isn't broken, luckily. It's just a sprain-so you should ice and rest it for about a week. Any complications, you can ring back and we will book you in for an appointment. Now, let's get that head stitched up and you can go-sound good?" Doctor Needham finished explaining, and smiled at Elmer. 

Elmer sighed in relief at the news. He was definitely thankful that his wrist wasn't broken because, he had a tap solo in his college's showcase that he had been working hard to perfect. He grimaced when he remembered that him dancing had gotten him into this mess in the first place-and not because he had actually been dancing or had fallen, but because....yeah, Elmer decided not to think about it. 

 

"Take a seat on the bed over there, and we'll get you fixed up." The doctor said. 

As she worked, she made conversation with Elmer-which he wasn't entirely comfortable with. 

"So, how did you get in this state?" She asked.

Elmer winced as the thread was pulled through his numbed skin. 

"I just tripped is all"

 

"Hmm...must have been an awkward fall for you to have hit your head in this spot." Doctor Needham deducted, and she put down the cotton and needle she had been using. 

"Done. Wasn't so bad was it?" 

 

"Not at all. Nice and quick" Elmer said, and he smiled as thanks. He got up to leave but was stopped short. 

"Mr Kasprzak, you don't have to listen to me, but I've dealt with situations like this before." She took a breath. "You do know that you don't have to stay with whoever it was that did this to you."

"i said I fell, that's all." Elmer said defensively. 

"Mr Kasprzak, it's nothing to be ashamed of. I can refer you to someone who can help you with your situation." She sighed as Elmer just stared at her. "How about, would you like me to call someone for you; a friend perhaps? To come and pick you up." She asked. 

 

Elmer knew she was just trying to help as best she could on the early hours of a Saturday-but he wasn't going to confide in a stranger. However, he did think about that free call-that way, he wouldn't have to walk home, seen as he'd left his phone god knows where. 

"I don't need any help, thank you-I said I fell." Elmer said again. The doctor sighed knowing that she wasn't going to get anywhere with the young male. 

"But it'd be nice if I could use your phone. I kind of lost mine when I....when I fell." 

 

Elmer knew he was screwed. If it didn't sound believable to himself, how would he convince Race that it wasn't like the other times that he had 'fallen'. 

"Of course Mr Kasprzak. Happy to help." Doctor Needham sighed in defeat.

* * *

 It was half an hour later when Albert came rushing into the hospital, much to Elmer’s confusion.  
He had called Race, who said he’d be on his way shortly-so why had Albert showed up? 

“Elmer! Are you okay? What happened?” Albert gasped, rushing over to where Elmer was sat. He knelt down in front of him and cupped his face, inspecting the stitching and bruising.  
“Shit, that looks bad. Have they seen you yet? Did they say what’s wrong?”

Elmer swallowed nervously. Why was Albert here? He wanted Race.

Race had been Elmer’s best friend since they were little, and he was the person that Elmer told all his troubles to-and he made him feel calmer, able to collect his thoughts.

“Elmer?” Albert said. He looked worried.

“I’m fine Albert. Let’s just go, Okay?” Elmer said as he shook his head from Albert’s hands and got up.

“Yeah....yeah let’s go.” Albert lead the way out of the hospital and to his car.

 Elmer got in the passenger side and felt like crying. He was really tired and he just wanted to be alone now.

“So what happened?” Albert asked, and frowned when he realised that Elmer wasn’t going to say anything.  
“Have you at least slept yet? Eaten anything?”

Elmer turned his head.  
“Can you just drop me off please?” He said.  
His hands were shaking as the adrenaline began to where off, and he realised he was panicking.

“Elmer, talk to me. What happened? You’re shaking, man.” Albert observed, and he began to rub his arms on Elmer’s shoulders in an up and down motion.

 His face ached, and he bit his lip and grimaced-he didn’t realise he had a busted lip.  
Breathe in, breathe out.  
“I fell, that’s all.”

Albert stared into Elmer’s eyes searching for any sign of the truth.  
“Yeah, you fell. I know you’re clumsy, but you’re not that clumsy.”

“Why are you here Albert? I called Race...I-I want Racer.” Elmer said, and he felt pathetic at how his sentence came out pleadingly.

“He said he got held up in traffic and didn’t want you to wait any longer, and since I live on this side of town, he called me to come and get you.” Albert explained as he tried to calm Elmer down, but it only seemed to make him more agitated.

“Now I ruined your night too, I can’t seem to do anything right.” Elmer sighed.

“What do you mean? Who said you can’t do anything right?” Albert demanded softly, and Elmer flinched at his authoritative tone.

“Nothing, it’s nothing. Can we just go now?” Elmer mumbled and Albert gave one last glance before he turned on the car and pulled out of the parking lot.

“Back to your place? You can stay at mine and Mush’s if you want to, you don’t have to go back.” Albert said. He tried to fight off the gnawing feeling that something was wrong.

“Just drive Albert.” Elmer said. At this point, he didn’t care where he ended up-even If it was back at his shared apartment.

Nights like this always ended with him feeling resigned, and not caring about what happened to him.  
Race had always been the one to pick him up on the nights like this, and they’d go and get ice cream or something. It was very rare that Elmer would end up at the hospital-but he had felt awful, and he just wanted to get out of his home fast.

Albert pulled up outside Elmer’s apartment block, and he was just a little disappointed that Albert hadn’t driven them to his and Mush’s.

“Here we are, home sweet home.” Albert said.  
“You gonna he okay?”

Elmer forced a smile.  
“Don’t worry-Kyle should be inside.”  
And there he went, talking about Kyle like he was actually the person Elmer wanted to see right now.

“What do you mean ‘should be’? He should have gone to the hospital with you and taken you home-not Race or me. Where was he when all of this happened?” Albert practically yelled. If Kyle was such a good person-as Elmer reassured them-then why wasn’t he with Elmer tight now?

“Sorry to have been a fucking inconvenience for you Albert. I didn’t ring you, I rang Race-take it up with him why you’re even here right now.” Elmer snapped and got out of the car, slamming the door and disappearing into the building.

Albert was left shocked. Elmer never snapped at anyone-he was always so calm and kind.  
“Shit!” He yelled to himself, and he hit the steering wheel. He hadn’t meant for it to sound like he hadn’t been more than happy to help Elmer out.

Fucking Kyle, fucking Elmer dating fucking Kyle.  
Albert sighed. He didn’t understand it at all.  
Kyle never joined their friendship group when they hung out, and Elmer always shut them down or disappeared when Kyle called him.

Albert let out a frustrated sigh.  
“Fucking Kyle.” He mumbled, and he drove away.

* * *

 

Elmer unlocked the door and walked inside the small one bedroom apartment.  
He looked around and saw the beer bottle that had been deliberately thrown at him earlier-now shattered on the floor, just below the stain of amber liquid that was splattered on the wall.

He hesitantly called out, “Kyle?”  
When he received no answer he sighed in relief.  
Maybe he could get a decent nights sleep this time.

Elmer went over to the table that was in the middle of the room, and saw his phone was on it.  
He picked it up so see several missed calls from Race, and some recent texts from Albert. He took no notice.  
If he checked his voicemails, it would just be Racetrack’s voice pleading with him to come stay over at his and Spot’s house for the night-and they’d work everything out in the morning.  
But Elmer didn’t want that. Right now, he just wanted his bed, and if it wasn’t too much to ask, a pair of arms to wrap around him.

He left his phone on the table and walked into the bedroom, jumping when he saw a hungover Kyle sat on the bed with his head in his hands.

Elmer expected the ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it’ speech, and then they’d probably fuck and everything would go back to normal-but he got a different phrase this time.

“I love you.” Kyle said, and he looked up at Elmer.  
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it” he added.

Ah, there it was. The all famous ‘forgive me’ speech that Elmer fell for everytime.

“I know.” Elmer replied.  
“Come on.” He held out his hand which Kyle reached for and held tight.

“I-I honestly didn’t mean to. You were there one minute, and gone the next. Where did you go?” He said, although it wasn’t his usual demanding tone.

If Elmer fucked up his answer, then he would probably end up in the hospital all over again. So instead, he lied.

“I went to the grocery store. Got us some candy and stuff-Reece’s Pieces.” Elmer said, and his gut twisted at the thought of abandoning the candy that he had paid for, but left hanging in the half empty hospital vending machine.

Kyle nodded and stood up, wrapping his arms around Elmer.  
“You’re good to me, and you know I love you.” He said, and smiled at Elmer.

“I love you too” Elmer said. It was a line that he practiced day in and day out, trying to convince himself that he really did love Kyle, somewhere deep down.

“We should probably sleep-it’s late.” Kyle said, and Elmer nodded.

They both layed in bed; Kyle had his arms wrapped around Elmer, and had drifted off easily.

Elmer stared into the sleeping face of the guy he once knew. They had been fine once upon a time, but now, their relationship was full of lies and heartache; which hurt Elmer more than it hurt Kyle.

He layed awake for a while longer. Kyle had said that he loved him, and that he was sorry, but Elmer knew:

This wasn’t love.


	2. It's Swings and Roundabouts, and you Need to Get off this Ride

On the other side of town, Racetrack was laying in bed wide awake. He was waiting for any news from Albert about where Elmer had ended up staying, or how bad the damage was. 

The bed creaked as his boyfriend rolled over. 

"Go to sleep Race, you have class in a few hours." Spot mumbled tiredly, and he wrapped his arms around Race.

"I can't. I have to wait until Albert calls.....I need to know what's happening." Race chewed on his nails, a habit that had long since been comforting him in these series of unfortunate events. 

 

Race had gotten home a little while ago, and the night had swept up his frustration at the heavy amounts of traffic at an ungodly hour. Spot was the one to suggest that he call Albert to go and get Elmer; but Race knew that Elmer wouldn't feel safe until he saw him. It wasn't over until he saw him. 

He knew Albert would be able to take care of Elmer, despite not knowing the circumstances. Albert really cared for Elmer, probably a bit too much.

"I can't just wait here and do nothing. I need to see him and make sure he's alright. " Race said and he felt Spot nod into the crook of his neck. 

"You can't do anything at this hour, and we don't even know if it was..." Spot swallowed anxiously. "If it was because of THAT again. You know how clumsy he is, so he could have tripped or something."

The both reverted back to silence, trying to convince themselves that Spot's hypothesis was right; even though they knew it wasn't. 

 

The phone lit up, and Race grimaced at the bright screen, but then kicked into action and answered it at lightening speed. 

"Albert! Is he okay? Can I speak to him? He won't answer my calls!" Race blurted out before Albert could even get a word in from the other end of the line. 

Spot could hear Albert's answer from his position next to Race, and it wasn't what they wanted to hear.

"He's at home, I dropped him off like you asked. I did offer if he wanted to crash at my place so he wouldn't be alone, but he said that Kyle would be worried...or something." Albert said. 

Race's heart was almost leaping out of his chest. Elmer had gone home, which meant that there was a chance he was alone with Kyle, and if it was anything like last time...Race felt Spot grab his hand under the sheets. He, must be thinking the same thing. 

They had one thing to be thankful for, and it was that Albert hadn't figured out the situation. The less people knew, the better it was for Spot and Race to confirm what they had known for a long time, without the commotion from their other friends. They were all protective of each other, and it took all of Race's might to stop Spot from killing Kyle the first time they had been in this situation-with Elmer's bruised face, and his reassurance that everything was fine, and that he had just 'fallen'.

Instead of freaking out, Race said, "Thanks Al, I owe you."

"Yeah well....something seemed off. I don't want to worry you guys, but do you think Kyle hurt Elmer? I know he said that they'd be arguing a lot recently." Albert said. 

Race glanced at Spot-searching for an answer in the dark of their room. "I'll talk to him, don't worry." 

"Yeah, okay....I'll see you later." And Albert hung up, leaving Race in a panic, and Spot angry. 

 

Spot began to get out of bed, and Race grabbed his hand. 

"Where are you going?"Race asked urgently. 

"To get Elmer. I'm not leaving him with that asshole-he knows he can stay here, and this is where Albert should have brought him in the first place." Spot replied. He grabbed a shirt and threw it on. 

"We can't just go round there now! Kyle is mental, he might kick us out and then lash out at Elmer. Behind closed doors, where you can't get to him." Race just about snapped, and Spot sat back down with his head in his hands. 

"Shit, you're right. I'll go and get him whilst you're in class-he'll be here when you get home. Maybe you can knock some sense into this time and make him stay here permanently." Spot said. 

Race nodded as Spot climbed back into bed. "Try and get some sleep." He said.

He wrapped his arms around Racetrack, who began to drift off. Spot just layed in the dark room, thinking about how he'd get Elmer to leave. Elmer was stubborn at the best of times, so he wouldn't know how he'd react when he went to go and get him.

All he knew was that he was going to end this shit today. 

* * *

 

The door to the diner chimed, and Albert listened as the person placed an order for coffee and bacon. 

He'd been sat here ever since he had dropped Elmer off-he couldn't bring himself to go back home, because what if Elmer needed him?

Albert didn't understand it all. They had been really close before Elmer got together with Kyle-he wasn't jealous though, of course he wasn't; he just didn't understand what Elmer saw in the guy. Kyle never hung out with their friendship group when they went on weekly hangouts, and he would command Elmer left and right. 

Albert paused at that thought. Kyle never treated Elmer with respect, and he never made any effort to helping Elmer out with lifts and stuff-it was mainly Race or Albert who did because, Elmer didn't have a car. 

The gnawing in his gut had settled in to stay, and he couldn't bring himself to come to the conclusion that he was dreading-the one that screamed at him that Elmer had been lying to him when he said he had fallen. 

Before he could finish that thought, his phone buzzed loudly (it was his alarm) indicating that it was 7am, and he had half an hour to get ready and get to his first (and only, than goodness) class of the day. 

He got up and left some money on the table to pay for the coffee that he had struggled to drink. Albert held onto the idea that he would see Elmer at some point today, and he would be okay. 

* * *

 Romeo and Specs were in the practice room, warming up for class. Today they would be practicing some dances for the upcoming showcase. 

"Did you sleep okay last night?" Specs asked as he shook the tension out of his shoulders. 

"Yep!" Romeo chirped back, and he smiled as Specs grinned. 

They didn't live together, much to their disappointment. Instead, Specs was stuck sharing with Blink, whilst Romeo shared with Katherine and her girlfriend Sarah-who was training to be a nurse at the local hospital. Romeo was supposed to room with Elmer at their college's accommodation-but Elmer backed out at the last minute to stay with Kyle in his apartment. 

Specs saw Romeo frown, so he walked over and hugged him tight.  "In our third year we'll live together. I've been saving up  some money so we can cover rent for a few months."

Romeo turned his head to look up at Specs, an they kissed, breathing in the scent of dreams that they shared. 

"Sorry i'm late guys I was....I had, stuff." Albert announced as he piratically dragged himself into the room. 

"Hey Al!" Romeo called as he pulled away from Specs to greet their red-haired friend-Specs whined in protest. 

"You look like shit. Did you even sleep last night?" Specs commented. 

Albert rubbed at his eyes; did he really look that bad? 

Romeo glanced between Albert and his boyfriend. His mouth turned upward in a mischievous smile. "So, what was this 'stuff' you were doing? Did it have something to do with 'you know who'?" He said cheekily. 

Specs caught on and added, "'You know who?' Care to clarify who that could be, Romeo?" He said teasingly.

Romeo sauntered over to Albert wiggling his eyebrows and took in a breath. "E-L-M-E-R!" He spelled out, taking pleasure in Albert's shocked expression and red cheeks. 

Everyone in their friendship group had just about figured out that Albert liked Elmer. They'd known each other since they were younger, and Albert had develop more than friendly feelings during their final year of high school. He had planned on confronting his feelings head on, and asking Elmer out during that Summer; except Elmer got together with Kyle instead....and didn't that just suck. So what if he was actually jealous?

Albert had to defend himself. "No! I don't like Elmer like that!"

"That's not what you were saying last weekend at Jack's party! "Oh guys, Elmer is so hot and cute! How can someone be hot and cute at the same tiiiimmee!?"" Romeo mimicked a drunk Albert's ramblings. 

"And don't forget the all famous speech; "If Elmer doesn't like me then I may just diiiieee!"" Specs said, also nailing the drunk Albert impression. 

"Alright, that's enough" Racetrack's voice interrupted, and the other three jumped. 

"Jesus Racer...you scared me." Romeo gasped as he lent forward to catch his breath. 

Race just frowned, and Albert smiled sheepishly-hoping that Race hadn't heard the previous conversation.

"You okay, man?" Albert stepped forward and put a hand on Race's shoulder.

"Yeah. Can I talk to you?" Race asked. Albert sensed it was something serious so he nodded and followed him out of the room, leaving Specs and Romeo confused.

"Was it something we said?" Romeo said, and Specs just shrugged.

Guess they wouldn't be getting much practice done today.

* * *

 

The sun was shining, but Spot didn't feel the effects as he drove towards the apartment block where Kyle and Elmer lived. He was anxious to say the least, but mainly angry-and he had to keep it together for Elmer's sake because he promised Race that he'd get Elmer-not scare him away. He pulled up in a free space and sighed. "I got this." He mumbled to himself. 

Spot got out and walked into the building, which seemed daunting and overwhelmingly nostalgic-in a bad way. He had come here with Race many times, but never on his own. He hated to admit that most of those times was to go and check up on Elmer after nights of screaming and punches. 

The ride in the elevator seemed to take for ever. His palms began to sweat-he was never good at confronting these problems head on, and without Race there, who would keep him from punching the dick of a boyfriend in the teeth?

The elevator doors opened with a ding, and Spot took a few breathes before stepping out into the quiet hallway. It was good that there was no sound, right?

Spot walked up to the well known door and rand the bell. It wasn't long before he heard footsteps, and it opened slowly to reveal Elmer.

"Spot? What are you ding here?" Elmer asked; he didn't open the door all the way. 

"I came to see you. Are you going to let me in?" Spot asked, and he tried to peer around the door to step inside, but Elmer wasn't having any of it. 

"You can't. I was just stepping out." 

Spot snorted at Elmer's excuse. The guy only seemed to leave the small apartment when he had class or work-and he barely did that anymore. 

"Yeah, sure you are." Spot gently pushed Elmer aside and walked in. 

He analysed the main room like it was a crime scene, and he began to notice things that shouldn't be there. An amber stain on the far kitchen wall, and a dust pan and brush that was left carelessly near it. Spot also noticed that Elmer's tap shoes were laying messily next to the bin-like they had been thrown there. 

"Spot, you should really go; I really do have to go out and-" Elmer was cut off by the expression on Spot's face that he had seen many times before. 

"Did he get angry again? Throw a bottle at you? Have you even looked at yourself Elmer? Your face is a mess." Spot said with a gentle, yet authoritative tone. 

"Has Race been saying stuff again? I'l tell you what I told Albert-I fell" Elmer said, and he tried to stand his ground, but it was impossible when he could already feel it crumble beneath him. 

Spot just stared at him and nodded-to which Elmer let out a sigh, thinking that Spot would lay off now, but he was mistaken. 

"I'm done turning a blind eye at your pathetic excuses. You're coming to stay at mine and Race's until we figure this out." Spot skipped straight to the point and made his way to the bedroom, with Elmer in tow. 

"Like hell I am. I'm fine here. You really should go before-" Again, Elmer was interrupted. 

"Before Kyle gets back?" Spot spat out. He opened the wardrobe and looked around for a suitcase; Elmer would have one, right? Maybe he should have brought one with him.

"No, I wasn't going to say that." Elmer replied, trying to cover up his nervousness. 

Spot turned around to look at him. "Do you have a suitcase? We have to pack your things up so we can leave." 

Elmer just looked back at him with astonishment. "I already told you, I'm not going anywhere!" 

Okay, Spot thought he could be nice, but he was loosing his patience. He hadn't slept or eaten that much because he was so worried about Elmer; and every time he or Race came to dig Elmer out of the mess he was in, he rejected them-it pissed Spot off. 

"Look. You don't get a fucking say in this anymore. Every time something like this happens, Race comes to get you and you talk. You talk and cry abut how worthless you feel, and how shit of a person you think you are, and how much you hate Kyle. Yet every time we offer you somewhere safe to stay, and a way out, you turn it down." Spot glared at Elmer and he stood up in his face. "So you're going to be the obedient prick that that fucking asshole seems to think you are, and pack up a suitcase full of your shit and come to stay at our place. We want your baggage because Kyle obviously doesn't; and unless you enjoy being his punching bag, I highly suggest you just shut up and come with me." 

In all of his growling, Spot hadn't noticed the way Elmer flinched at every word, or the water that was emerging in his eyes. He brushed past Elmer and back into the main room. 

"Get a suitcase out and start packing" Spot called. He was tired of this shit. 

Elmer felt defeated. He knew Spot had a point, but he was terrified of the outcome; he couldn't just leave everything that he knew-the very foundation that he and Kyle had built upon was once full of good times, but now it was corrupted, yet Elmer still couldn't find it in himself to let go of the only relationship that he had known.

Spot walked back in with the tap shoes in his hand, and Elmer turned around from searching for a suitcase-his eyes widened. 

"Have you got a box for these? I know Race has a small bag for his, but you practically wear yours everywhere, so I doubt you have a case-" Spot jumped as Elmer snatched the shoes from his hands. 

"I don't need them. I'm quitting." Elmer said quietly, and he walked into the kitchen in search of a trash bag. Spot quickly followed after him.

"What do you mean you're quitting? You love dancing as much as Jack Kelly loves painting Davey like one of Leonardo fucking Dicaprio’s french girls!" Spot blurted out.

"Guess I just don't enjoy it anymore." Elmer stared longingly at the black, shiny tap shoes. They were slightly scuffed from the constant use, and the laces dangled over his hands. 

"No, you're not fucking throwing them away." Spot snapped as he grabbed the shoes back and held them close. "You have a solo to do! It's all you've talked about for weeks! And not to mention all your other dace stuff-where is it all?" Spot asked as he glanced around the room. Elmer usually left all his gear around the place. 

He followed Elmer's line of sight to an almost full trash bag that was awkwardly leaning against the dining table's leg. Oh fuck no. Spot walked towards Elmer and put a hand on his shoulder, as he cradled the shoes in his other arm. 

"What happened last night Elmer?" He asked in a soft tone-a large contrast from his earlier yelling. Up close he could see the deep bruising, and the professional row of stitches on Elmer's forehead. 

"Nothing, just-"

"It isn't nothing, Elms. Just tell the truth this time." Spot pushed. 

"Kyle just got mad that I spend most of my time at the studio practicing with the others, instead of spending time with him." Elmer explained, and he looked at Spot as he said, "but it's okay, because he's right-I mean, I need to grow up at some point, right? Like, pursue an actual career, not just live off a dream that ain't gonna happen." Elmer's voice faltered as he spoke.

"Elmer....I don't hit Race when he comes home late with sore limbs from dancing all day. You guys are making it in the dance industry-so you have to work your asses off. As for Kyle, he can fucking suck on it." Spot said Kyle's name like it would leave a poison trail on his tongue. He walked over to the trash bag that was full of dance gear and handed it to Elmer.

"Go and pack this with the rest of your stuff." Spot said, and he draped the tap shoes over Elmer's shoulder's by the laces. He put his hand on Elmer's cheek in a comforting manner. "You're not fucking quitting." He said, and he smiled sympathetically. 

Spot watched Elmer shuffle back into the bedroom, he seemed to have a spring his step that Spot hadn't seen for a while-he smiled. 

However, his relief at getting somewhere was short lived when he heard the front door click open. 

"Elmer have I got a story for you!" The voice called. 

Spot curled his fists and stood in the center of the room, waiting for Kyle to realise he was there. 

"Babe?" Kyle called out again, and he frowned at the lack of response. He walked further into the apartment and saw the short, furious man in his combined living kitchen area. "What the fuck are you doing here!?" He yelled.

Spot continued to glare holes through Kyle-fuck keeping his anger in check. He leaped forward and swung his fist to collide with Kyle's face. 

"Doesn't fucking feel good when you get punched, does it!?" Spot practically spat on the pathetic excuse of a man who had stumbled onto the floor. 

The door to the bedroom burst open and Elmer came rushing out, and he helped Kyle get up. "Spot! What have you done!?" 

Spot continued to glare at Kyle. "I just did you a fucking favor, Kasprzak. Get your stuff, we're out of here." And Spot made the mistake of turning his back. 

Kyle reached out and grabbed Spot by the scruff of his collar, and he smashed him into the wall. Spot hissed at the pain that flashed down his back.

"Kyle! Stop it!" Elmer shouted pleadingly, and he grabbed onto his shoulders, but Kyle shook him off. 

"You think you can come into my house, and command around my boyfriend? You've got another thing coming Conlon." Kyle sneered. Spot could smell his breath, which indicated that although Kyle wasn't wasted, he wasn't exactly sober. 

"So you get to order his ass around, but I can't?" Spot taunted at the man who pushed him further into the wall.

Elmer was still trying to pry Kyle off of him. "For fuck sake Kyle! Let him go! He wasn't doing anything wrong!" He cried.

Kyle continued to look into Spot's face threateningly as he spoke. "Is this where you went last night Elmer? Did you go crawling to Spot and his bitch of a boyfriend? Did you whore yourself out to them? Maybe you could make some extra cash seen as you've quit dancing around like a little bitch." Kyle sneered again, smiling at Spot's reactions at bringing Racetrack into the thread. 

"Don't fucking talk about Racer, you fucking pussy!" Spot yelled as he kicked Kyle in the groin so he would let go. 

Spot easily shoved past Kyle and forced Elmer to look at him. "Get your stuff and lets go!" He said loudly, but Elmer just stood there frozen on the spot. 

Kyle got back up again and reached past Spot to shove Elmer, who fell backwards into the kitchen unit. Spot span around and shoved Kyle back harder.

"You don't fucking touch him or I swear to god i'll fucking kill you myself!" Spot shouted, and he quickly went to Elmer to stop him from loosing his grip on the counter that he had fallen into. 

The atmosphere was tense and aggressive, and Spot licked his lips before he spoke. "Elmer,let's go." 

"He isn't fucking going anywhere." Kyle growled deeply as he watched Spot help Elmer regain his composure. 

"Just go Spot. I'll be fine." Elmer said.

Spot couldn't believe his ears. "What the fuck? I come here to help you, and you're doing it again! Fucking staying with this bag of dicks because you feel obliged to! Because you're fucking running scared and too oblivious to see that the only reason you're kept around here is because you're probably an easy lay! Get it together and realise that you're destroying yourself on this fucking roundabout that you need to jump off of!" Spot yelled. 

Elmer had reached breaking point. "If you're so fucking worried about me, then you can fuck off back to your happy little life! I don't want anything to do with any of you lot anymore! I don't need Race's constant waiting for me to breakdown, and I don't need you breathing down my neck waiting for me to come running so you can fix me! Just because, Racetrack saved you from your dear old dad decking you every other day, doesn't mean that I'm going to turn out like the mess you are!" Elmer screamed at Spot, who took a step back at the viciousness in his tone. 

Spot just nodded and patted Elmer on the back as he walked past. "We'll still be here when you're ready." And as he walked out, he heard Kyle yell,

"He won't because he doesn't need you. He has me."

 

The door shut and Spot stood on the other side for a moment, contemplating whether he should go back inside. However, he felt that he had done enough damage; he had failed Race, and probably just put Elmer in danger of being beaten to death. He couldn't bring himself to go back in-he knew that Elmer would call him or Race if things got bad again. 

Kyle's words echoed in his head as he crawled into his car in defeat. If all Elmer had was Kyle, then he was already dead. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel really bad for writing these normally happy characters, into this awful situation. But hey ho, everybody loves some angst now again.  
> The first few chapters, I am trying to tell the story whilst getting a feel for the characters. I apologize if it feels like a slow start, but I am working on it.  
> Onward and upwards!
> 
> Hoping to get chapter three put together and out soon! :)


	3. Mangled Tap Shoes and Aching Hearts

Albert lent against the wall outside the practice room trying to understand what Race had just told him. 

He felt like he was submerged in water and struggling for breath. Why would this be happening? It couldn't be happening. He felt a hand on his shoulder as he suddenly bent over and retched into the grass. 

"It's okay, I threw up when I found out too." Race said as he rubbed his hand up and down Albert's back. 

Albert stood up and wiped at his mouth and adjusted his cap he was wearing. 

"Don't act like it's okay. You saw this shit head on." Albert replied. 

Race nodded at that because, he had been the one to see Elmer the first time Kyle had gone mental and punched him straight in his nose. Elmer had called him saying he thought his nose was broken-it hadn't been-and sprouted lies that he had walked into the door on his way to get a shower. Race had believed him at first, knowing full well how clumsy Elmer was; but he had soon realised his mistake when he had gotten home and talked to Spot. He spent the night crying and throwing up at the thought of Elmer staying with Kyle; but Elmer had continued to reassure them that he was fine. Obviously they had been mistaken. 

"Race, I left him with the fucker! i just dropped him in his hands and walked away!" Albert cried out and Race wrapped his arms around him, holding on tightly. 

"It's okay-he wanted you to do that. He still loves the bastard, Al. What am I supposed to do about that? It's times like this that I wish Elmer was with you, and not that asshole." Race admitted to Albert, continuing to hold him. 

Albert's cheeks heated up, and the tears left cool tracks-he shivered. "Why haven't you gotten him out? The guy is dangerous, you could call the cops or something." Albert mumbled into Race's shoulder. 

"What good would the cops do? Kyle comes from a big family, and they'd believe his story over Elmer's every time." He sighed in reply, and Albert nodded. 

They let go of each other and Albert composed himself. "We should go and see him." Albert said. 

"Spot has gone to get him-he's bringing him back to our place. You can come over after practice to see him?" Race suggested, but before Albert could answer, he saw a familiar

car pull up and Spot got out-slamming the door behind him. 

"Spot? What's wrong? Where's Elms?" Race asked-his mouth dried up at the thought of what could have happened. 

"We have to go. I tried to get Elmer to leave, but Kyle got back before we got out." Spot hurriedly explained, and he grabbed Race's hand leading him to the car. 

"Wait! I'm coming too!" Albert called after them, and he got into the back seat of the car. 

Spot looked in the mirror, making eye contact with Albert. "Race, why did you tell Albert? He's a fucking love-sick puppy who can't handle this shit." He said, deliberately taking a stab at Albert's 'secret' crush on Elmer. "He didn't do the right thing last night. What makes you think he can do it right this time?" 

Race gaped at Spot's awful words. He had never taken a dig out of Albert before, so why now?

"Hey, I can handle this shit. Race practically told me everything-and what makes you think you're doing any good? He's still with the dick!" Albert replied. He flinched when Spot turned around in his seat. 

"You think you can handle it, huh? Race-do you want to inform him on all the shit that has happened? The really bad stuff that no body knows about because Elmer practically begged us not to speak of it?" Spot said. 

Race swallowed nervously. There was no point trying to defuse Spot's anger at their current situation. 

"Go ahead, I can take it. Hell, I can take any shit you throw my way, because as soon as we get to Elmer's we're getting him the fuck out this time." Albert snapped back. 

Spot scoffed at Albert's determination, and how he was certain he could persuade Elmer to leave. 

"Okay, you head-over heels-prick. You obviously think that Elmer confides everything in you, so I wonder why he didn't tell you about his fucking pathetic boyfriend, beating the shit out of him every time he's drunk? He's fucking protecting you, you dumb ass-he doesn't want you getting your little red-head involved!" Spot took a breath, and quietened his tone, although it was still vicious. "As for an example of some of the shit; We went over to Elmer's for dinner once, and the fucking door was half open-So we goes in to see Elmer lying on the floor with his fucking head busted open!" Spot finished his story yelling. 

Albert cringed-if that was only one of the times, then how bad were other times?He still couldn't understand how the almighty Spot Conlon, and ever caring Racetrack Higgins, hadn't already rescued Elmer from the bastard. 

"Spot, just drive." Race said. He was leaning his head on the window trying to not scream at the memory that flashed through his mind. There had been blood everywhere that day-Race thought that Elmer was dead in his sudden panic. It was only thanks to Spot's experience from his shit childhood, that he had known what to look for, and how to help Elmer. 

Spot spared a sympathetic glance over at Race, and held his hand as they drove to the place they were all dreading. 

* * *

 

The silence engulfed the small apartment and it made Elmer sick to his stomach. Once upon a time, when Kyle would get home he would hug Elmer and spin him around the room-and they'd laugh and smile giddily, feeling like they could conquer the world. However, he would gradually come home drunk and want noting to do with Elmer, unless it was to have sex or take his aggression out on him. Elmer often found those memories slipping away from him, and that was the hardest part; that he'd soon have to face reality, and admit that he had been wrong to think that he loved him.

After Spot had left, Kyle had shouted vicious words at Elmer-mainly about why had he let Spot in, and where did he think he was going to go because no one would want him. Then he had veered off when he noticed Elmer's dance gear folded up neatly on their bed-and that had set him off. Elmer could still see the nasty look on Kyle's face as he had torn the tap shoes from his hands. Elmer had pleaded with him as he followed him back out to the kitchen, where Kyle proceeded to destroy the shoes with anything he could find-turning to hit at Elmer as he continued to plead.

Elmer was now sat on the floor cradling the now broken tap shoes to his chest, and he finally cried. 

He thought he could be strong, and just pick himself up and go on like he usually would-pretending that everything was fine. But he realised that although this wasn't s bad as other times, there was no coming back this time. 

Elmer suddenly felt the urge to crawl out of his skin. He needed to leave before anyone came back. He didn't want to see Kyle ever again, and he didn't want to hear Spot's 'I told you so', or see the worried look on Race's face. There would be no more pretending, or hiding from the elephant in the room because it had found him, and stomped all over him. 

Before he knew it, Elmer was out of the door, with his mangled tap shoes still in his hands.

* * *

 

As they pulled up, Albert quickly hopped out, only just managing to shut the door behind him as he rushed into the building.

"You ready?" Spot asked Race, and he shakily nodded.   
"Calm down." He said, and held Race's hand tighter. Neither of them knew what to expect-but knowing it wouldn't be good, they both prepared for the worst. 

 

Albert was already up the elevator, and into the hallway where the apartment was. He literally ran to the right door, and frowned when he saw that it was a jar. 

Shit. What had happened?

He pushed open the door further, making room for him to slip inside. Albert saw clothes laying on the floor, and scissors and a knife that had practically been thrown onto the counter top, next to some pieces of black material. 'Were they laces?' Albert thought. 

"Elmer?" He called, and he crossed his fingers, hoping to hear a reply. When he didn't receive one, he felt like crying all over again. 

Albert was thankful when Race and Spot came rushing in. 

"He's not here." He announced.

Race looked around the room desperately, as if Elmer would pop out and say it had all been some sick joke-and maybe Kyle would apologise for it going too far. He could only hope for such miracles. 

"What do you mean he ain't here?" Spot demanded. He didn't mean to sound so angry, but he was panicking. The room was a mess, and Spot could still see the stain that the beer bottle had caused the night before. 

"It is what it is. He isn't here. I'll go and look for him." Albert said, and he went to leave but Spot grabbed his arm. 

"And where are you going to look, huh? Do you know how tow handle him when he's like this? No, you don't. So stop trying to play the hero, and get a grip." Spot finished by gently shoving Albert towards the door. He sighed at the sad look on Albert's face.   
"Just....Race, go with him-you know where to look, and I don't want either of you here if Kyle comes back." 

Race agreed with Spot-he couldn't think straight when Kyle was in the room, let alone hold his own in a fight with him.

"Come on, Al. We'll find him." Race said. He hugged Spot goodbye, and the two boys left; leaving Spot to gather his thoughts and wait for Kyle to get back.

* * *

 

It was pretty chilly today, and Elmer had regretted not grabbing a jacket-or his phone. He felt stupid, and even worse at the fact that if he had just listened to Spot, then he could be curled up on their couch, drinking Race's famous hot chocolate. Elmer stopped thinking about that though, he didn't feel like he deserved to be helped anymore. What was the point if he just kept rejecting it? If he was Race, he would have given up on trying to help himself a long time ago. 

Elmer had stopped walking a little while, and he was just sat on a bench contemplating all that he had done. Was it right to have ran away? Maybe he should have called Spot back after Kyle left, and he would have come and brought him to Race. God, he was pathetic. Race wasn't his mom, and he couldn't juts keep going to him when he had problems. 

"Elias Kasprzak." A feminine voice said, and Elmer jumped at the sound. It was like he was back at the hospital-wait. 

"We have to stop meeting like this. Jesus, you look like hell." She said.

Elmer thought for a moment. Doctor Needham had called the nurse Sarah-she was new because Elmer had never seen her before during any of his late night visits. 

"It's just Elmer." He replied, and shuffled over on the bench as Sarah sat down.

"I'm Sarah, We met the other night when you...yeah" She explained, and stopped herself from saying too much.

"I know, I remember." Elmer forced a smile on his face. "How are you?" He asked, hoping that she couldn't see that he was falling apart. 

"I'm good. You on the other hand...what's the matter?" Sarah asked. She could see some fresh bruises on Elmer's face-they definitely hadn't been there the other night.

"Nothing, I'm just out here to catch some air" It wasn't far from the truth. 

Sarah glanced down at Elmer's lap. "What happened to your shoes?" 

Elmer frowned and then realised that he still had the shoes. Another thing he couldn't bring himself to let go of. 

He finally admitted defeat, and his walls crumbled down as he started crying again. "I don't know."

Sarah felt at a loss of what to do at first, but resorted to wrapping her arms tightly around Elmer-being mindful of the beaten tap shoes on his lap. 

"Okay, it's okay." And she rubbed her hands up and down his back as he sobbed into her shirt. 

Today wasn't going so well for her, but as she listened to the heart wrenching sobs, she began to think that she wasn't the one who had suffered today. 

"You want me to call someone for you?" Sarah asked.

She felt Elmer hesitate for a moment, and then he nodded. "I want Racetrack." Now he didn't even care if he sounded pathetic. 

Sarah thought for moment, and then it clicked. "Spot Conlon's boy?" She felt Elmer tense before she explained. "Spot's friends with Jack and Davey; Davey is my brother." She said. 

Elmer snorted.It was either a small world, or he had actually been so out of touch lately, that he just hadn't met the nice woman at any of their friendship group's hangouts. He hadn't been out for a while. 

"I know them." Elmer mumbled.

Sarah laughed at the simple statement. "I'll call Spot-I don't have Racetrack's number." 

Elmer mumbled out some digits, and she didn't know whether to smile or frown. If Elmer knew Race's number off by heart, how many times had he been in such a state like this? She didn't dare ask about what had happened recently. 

 

It wasn't long after Sarah had called Race that he came barreling around the corner, and he skidded at a halt at Elmer's feet. 

"Elmer, thank god!" He cried out, and he didn't care how sappy they looked as he enveloped Elmer into a huge bear hug. "You fucking idiot" He said affectionately. 

Sarah looked up to see a red-headed boy also rounding the corner; he looked out of breath. 

"Jesus, give a guy some warning before-" His eyes widened when he saw who Race was hugging. "Elmer" He breathed out. 

Elmer pulled away from Race, who frowned protectively. 

"hey, Al." He smiled. 

Albert felt so relieved to hear his voice. "I'm so sorry Elmer! If I had known-"

"Known what? I said I was fine." Elmer said. He cringed inwardly when Race gently thumped his head. 

"Don't be a dick." Race said, and Elmer smiled at him. 

Albert snorted and looked up when he heard a car door open and shut. 

"Fucking christ, El." Spot said. 

Albert was confused at how Spot knew where they were, but he noticed a girl sat on the bench next to Elmer. He recognized here from Jack's party the other week.

"Thanks Sarah, you're a life saver!" Spot said, and looked at her as she frowned.

"You take care of him, Conlon. I don't wanna see him in the ER again with injuries like that. When Katherine told me that you guys had been hiding something from her, I didn't expect you'd be harboring an abuse victims secret." Sarah scolded. 

Spot looked at her in shock.

"Don't look at me like that. I'm training to be a nurse-I've seen cases like this before." She explained, and Spot frowned in acknowledgement. 

"Okay, we're going home. Home being mine and Spot's, and you're staying there for how ever long you need." Race said, and he expected Elmer to put up a fight, and say that Kyle was sorry-that he promised it wouldn't happen again.

He was surprised when Elmer simply nodded. 

"Okay. I packed your stuff up; it's in the boot. I couldn't find your tap shoes-" Spot stopped when noticed the mangled shoes in Elmer's lap. "Oh Elmer." He breathed out. 

"It's okay-I didn't need them anyway." Elmer said, but it dawned on him that his favorite pair of shoes were actually ruined. 

Race exchanged a look with Spot-and he knew that Spot knew more about what had happened the night before than he did. 

"Come on, Elms. I'll make some hot chocolate when we get back, and you can shower and stuff...." Race said, and he guided Elmer to the car. 

Spot turned towards Sarah, thanking her again for her help. She smiled and waved goodbye as she set off to continue home. 

"Let's go, Albo." Spot said, and he patted Albert's back. "I'll drop you off at yours. Tell Mush that we probably won't be going over to Blink's party this week." He added.

Albert nodded at this, despite being disappointed that he probably wouldn't see Elmer for a while. They were supposed to be dance partners in one of the performances in the upcoming showcase....but if Elmer wasn't feeling up to it, then he'd save the choreography that he had planned for future reference. 

Besides, he wouldn't want to share that dance with anybody else. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My poor babies! D:   
> It will get better, I promise!
> 
> Keep on the look out for some happy one-shots as I work on this fic. We'll need a good ol' pick me up after reading this. 
> 
> Chapter 4 is in the works!


	4. You Drink a Little too much Whisky, Baby

Night had always been a peaceful time for Elmer. It allowed him to think, and although it was dangerous sometimes, he was able to sift through the bad memories and find the good ones.

It was like there was a treasure chest in the depths of his mind, and the key to open it was despair-which only came to him on nights like these.

He had agreed to leave behind everything that he knew, to allow himself to be rescued. Elmer still didn't believe that he had done the right thing.

As he layed in the spare room, he could picture sweet smiles and loving hands. He could feel the whispers on the back of his neck that had once lulled him to sleep. The fact that he didn't understand where he had gone wrong, only made Elmer want to run back to Kyle more. It was like he was detoxing from a drug that kept him sane, and he needed another hit to feel safe from his own corrupted thoughts.

 

After a while of tossing and turning, Elmer knew he wasn't going to get to sleep anytime soon. He got up and went into the kitchen.

The lay out of Race and Spot's place was familiar, but he noticed that things had changed. The tea towels had been swapped from a pale blue, to a deep red, that hung like a crimson waterfall off of the cooker handle. Elmer also noticed that there were some new fridge magnets-one that said 'VEGAS' in bold writing, with sparkles on caught his eye; since when had Race and Spot been there? Or had someone got it for them as a gift?

This made Elmer suddenly feel uncomfortable. He realised that he felt like a stranger in his best friends' home-and the urge to get out was suddenly so over powering that he felt sick.

The light was flicked on, and Elmer winced as the light disrupted his tired vision.

"Jesus, you made me jump" Spot said with a hand to his chest. He moved two hands to his empty mug to stop himself from dropping it. "What are you doing up? It's late, El." He said.

Some of the fog lifted from Elmer's mind, and he looked at Spot with tired eyes. "Couldn't sleep." He mumbled. "What are you doing up?"

Spot snorted at Elmer's come back. "I'm a light sleeper. Race keeps tossing and turning, so I thought I'd come out here for a while."

They both sat silently at the breakfast bar, seemingly contemplating life over the few years. The fact that the two of them had drifted apart made both of them seem like lost souls.

They had once been pretty close, but Spot had started dating Racetrack, and Elmer had begun to spend more time focusing on his dancing than hanging out with anyone. Spot would later realize that it was around the same that Elmer had met Kyle-before they had started fooling around. He connected the dots, coming to the conclusion that Elmer had been suffering for longer than they had known.

"Do you want a drink?" Spot asked.

"Unless you're planning on cracking open the vodka and pouring me a shot, then no thanks." Elmer joked, but he actually thought that getting drunk wouldn't be such a bad idea.

"I think Race would kill me if I let you get drunk." Spot said, and he just continued to sit next to Elmer.

He reached into his hoodie and pulled out Elmer's phone. He had left it charging in their room, and he had kept checking to see if Kyle had left any voice mails. There thankfully weren't any yet.

"Here, you'll probably want this." Spot reached out to give it to Elmer, but hesitated. "You don't answer his calls. He isn't good for you."

Spot hated that he probably sounded like Kyle when he wasn't drunk, and he looked at Elmer for any recognition-but there wasn't. He sighed in relief.

"Thanks. Now I can finally get to level fifty on candy crush." Elmer said sarcastically, and Spot rolled his eyes.

"Shut up" Spot teased, and he got up and ruffled Elmer's hair as he walked past. "Don't stay up too late."

Elmer shoved Spot's hands from his head, "You're such a dick." Elmer laughed, and Spot smiled as he went back into his shared bedroom.

The counter top made for a good cushion at the moment-and Elmer had his head smushed against the cool wood. If Spot had acted like Elmer was the person he still knew, then maybe Elmer could believe that he would be okay.

His phone buzzed and he took back that thought.

Kyle's name flashed on the screen, and Elmer dropped it onto the table like it had shocked him. His brain had been wired to answer Kyle at his every call, but tonight, it was like there was a blackout; and the electricity was now fueling his determination to ignore him.

The phone buzzed again, and Elmer dared to look at the caller ID. He was surprised to see that this time it wasn't Kyle, but instead, Albert. Elmer still didn't answer it though.

His eyes drooped, and instead of finding comfort in the bed he had been given, he just rested his head back onto the counter top and drifted off.

He'd deal with his problems tomorrow. 

* * *

 

The morning was a brand new day. 

The sun shone through the curtains, warming up Albert's feet which dangled off the edge of his bed.

There was a knock at his door and he groaned-he just wanted a moment to collect his thoughts.

"Albert! You awake?" Mush called from the other side of the door. 

Albert rolled over to face away from the noise, but it was like Mush read his mind as he let himself in. 

"Get your lazy ass up. We both have class this morning, and you gotta get a move on if you wanna perv on Elmer warming up." Mush teased, but frowned when Albert only mumbled and tried to roll further away. 

Mush layed on the bed next to Albert, who rolled over to face him. 

"Elmer's sick." Albert said, hoping that Mush wouldn’t ask what was up.

"Oh, that sucks. Well, it's your lucky day then. You can bring him some brownies later." Mush said simply.

He always had good ideas for Albert's pining-and he didn't seem to care about the fact that Elmer was already in a relationship.

Albert huffed out a laugh. "I'm not bringing Elmer mysterious brownies that you collect from Blink. They might have weed in them, and then Elmer would be too doped up to take anything I say seriously." 

Mush pouted and playfully hit Albert's arm. "My Blink hasn't smoked weed since high school!" He said proudly. 

"If that's the case, then what was I smoking with him at Jack's party last week?" Albert teased, and Mush got up from the bed. 

"Fucking daisies, DaSilva. Get up." He grumbled as he walked out.

Albert laughed, which earned him Mush's middle finger and a slammed door. 

Today could just turn out to be a good day. 

* * *

 Romeo and Specs were glad to see Race and Albert turn up to class on time, but frowned when they didn't see Elmer. 

"It's good to be up!" Albert said enthusiastically as he stretched, and his back cracked. 

Race nodded, but didn't look like Albert's happiness had rubbed off onto him. 

Romeo leaned over and pouted playfully up at Race. "What's wrong Racey-baby?" He said. 

Race grinned at that, and pushed Romeo away-and Specs laughed at their antics. 

"So, where is Elmer? Did you scare him away with your heart eyes, Albert?" Specs teased. 

Albert smiled and didn't try and defend himself because, if he there was one thing that he realized yesterday, it was that he a crush one of the strongest people he knew.

Race looked at Albert, who was visibly beaming. It wasn't that he wasn't glad to see Albert happy, it was just that, he didn't think it was right for Albert to get it in his head that he could eventually get with Elmer. 

"Elmer's not feeling too great." Race said, and Romeo and Specs nodded, knowing not to push for any further information about their friend.

"Does this mean we have to cut his tap solo out of the show? He hasn't been to class for a while." Specs asked, and Romeo visibly deflated. 

"But he's so good! He's the best at tap out of all of us!" Romeo gushed, and Specs put an arm around him. 

Race could sense Albert staring at him from across the room, knowing he was thinking about Elmer's broken tap shoes.

They had been an expensive present from Elmer's late mother, and he practically wore them everywhere. It was funny how getting hit didn't make Elmer leave, but Kyle destroying his tap shoes did. If Race had known that, then he would have thrown the shoes at Kyle ages ago, and yelled at him to burn them, if it meant that Elmer would leave.

”He’s still gonna do it! He’s just...not feeling too great at the moment.” Albert said lamely, and Race sent him a glare-daring him to say anything about Kyle.

Race was protecting Elmer from anyone’s opinions, and he had told Albert about it because he also wanted him to back off, and stop pining after Elmer. 

“Phew....we’ll just practice our solos and stuff then.” Specs said, and he and Romeo walked to the other side of the room to warm up.

Race turned to Albert and pointed at him, quitening his voice. 

“You can’t say anything, to anyone. Elmer begged me and Spot to keep it a secret-and now that you know, you’ve just gotta go along with the act. You can see him later, if you want to.” Race said.

”I promised Mush I’d help him tidy up the place....get it ready for Blink’s party.” Albert answered, and he cringed at Race’s frown.

”Don’t change the way you look at him; it just makes it worse.” Race said. 

Albert was still sure he had a huge crush on Elmer, but since he had learned about what he was going through, he didn’t know if he could handle it. Maybe if he just layed off for a little while, and then he could see Elmer when he had processed all of the information. 

The last thing he wanted to do was alienate himself from Elmer. 

“I’m not...I just...I need some time is all.” Albert said.

”It isn’t about you, and Elmer isn’t stupid. He’ll think that you don’t want to be around him anymore-and trust me, he knows you watch him when he thinks he’s alone in the auditorium.” Race smirked at Albert’s embarrassed expression.

”since when had everyone figured everything out!? I thought i was so secretive!” Albert shrieked, and Romeo and Specs laughed from across the room.

”hurry up you two! We’ve gotta practice!” Specs called.

Race and Albert smiled at each other, and fist bumped. They got this.

* * *

 Elmer hadn’t left his position in the kitchen since he’d woken up.

Race had offered to make breakfast before he left for class, but Elmer wasn’t hungry for food. He desperately wanted to go back to his and see Kyle; even though his mind screamed at him to get a grip, and just forget about the boy. 

“You gonna stay there all day? I don’t think that’s good for your personal hygiene, or the condition of our kitchen” Spot said from his seat on the couch.

If it was anyone but Elmer, they would have laughed at seeing the ‘intimidating’ Spot Conlon, wearing a pair of reading glasses and looking through the daily newspaper. 

“You’re kitchen has improved because of me sat in it-don’t deny it.” Elmer meant for it to come out teasingly, but he had practically huffed it out with no emotion. 

Spot glanced over the paper and raised his eyebrow.

”Your phone is going mental.” He commented at the phone that was buzzing like mad-trying to throw itself over the edge.

”Yeah....” Elmer mumbled. His head was leant on the wooden surface, and he was tracing random lines with his fingers on the counter top. 

Spot took his glasses off and pinched the bridge of his nose as he put the paper down and got up, walking over to the counter and picking up Elmer’s phone. 

He scrolled through, glancing at the lock screen which showed many misses calls and texts. 

“Jesus El....you should have said that Kyle had literally called you fifty times in the last half an hour...” Spot said. 

He continued to scroll through the load of missed opportunities at conversation.

”You said not to answer them, so I haven’t.” Elmer plainly stated. 

“Yeah, I said don’t answer Kyle; not your friends.” Spot lightly scolded, like it was obvious. 

Elmer’s phone had tons of missed calls and messages from their friends, in between all of the ones from Kyle. 

“When was the last time you talked to anyone? You legit have days and days of unopened messages.” Spot stated, still scrolling through the load. 

He read the names in his head; Romeo, Specs, Mush, Blink, Albert; even Davey had text a few times, and there was also an unknown number that Spot recognised was Sarah’s-trying to see if Elmer was doing better. 

And of course, there were the countless messages and calls from himself and Race. Spot sighed and put the phone back down.

”You have to talk to people sooner or later, and go back to class. Besides, you have to keep practicing for the show with the others.” Spot hoped that Elmer was giving his words some serious thought. 

Elmer just turned his head to look up at him, and the words that rolled out of his mouth made Spot feel bad about bringing it up. 

“With what tap shoes?” Elmer gritted out. 

“I’m sure someone will have a pair you can borrow. Aren’t you and Romeo the same size?” Spot asked. 

Elmer nodded. 

“But I don’t wanna borrow them...Kyle might find them and then Romeo won’t have any shoes either.” He said.

Spot couldn’t believe his ears. Was Elmer still planning on going back to that psycho? 

“You can’t be serious. You’re not fucking going back! What are you? Nuts!?” Spot yelled. He was losing his temper again. 

Elmer sat up straight.

”I wouldn’t expect you to understand! You have Race, and friends! And if that means that all I have is Kyle, then fuck it! I fucking love the bastard, even if he does hit me around! But maybe he’s just trying to knock some sense into me, since you never could!” Elmer screamed back.

Spot winced at the words-they never had been a pair for talking things over. He and Elmer both had tempers, just he couldn’t keep it under wraps like Elmer could. 

“That’s bullshit and you know it! We have the same fucking friends, Elmer! And if you took time to read what they sent you, you’d realise that they miss you! They’re worried about you! Especially Albert!” Spot couldn’t take it anymore, he needed to get through to Elmer; even if it meant throwing Albert into the equation.

Elmer deflated at the mention of Albert. He did like the guy, but he just loved Kyle more, and he couldn’t just let go of everything he had built, and throw it all away for happiness. He knew it sounded stupid.

He wished Racetrack was here-he’d always been the buffer between them when he and Spot argued. 

“I don’t want to read them! I don’t need them! I’d be fine if you just stopped interfering! Kyle said he was sorry, for fucks sake!” Elmer wanted to leave at this point; he was done with his and Spot’s screaming matches about the same thing.

He got up and grabbed his phone, going into the spare bedroom where the single suitcase-unopened and still packed-was. He grabbed it and shoved his way to the front door. 

Spot watched in despair and felt defeated. He had failed again. He just couldn’t seem to be able to make Elmer stay, and his words seemed to push Elmer further away. 

He kicked into action when he realised that Elmer was about to leave. He only had one shot to not let Race down again.

”Elias Kasprzak! If you leave this fucking house, don’t expect us to come and save your ass again!” Spot yelled.

Elmer paused for a moment, but carried on out the door, slamming it behind him.

Spot stared at the closed door that seemed to have comepelty cut the connection he and Elmer had once had. He realised that he probably sounded like his own dad; demanding and a dick. 

The silence echoed around the room, and Spot knew he had fucked up. 

 

* * *

Class had finished for the day, and Race was proud and satisfied that they had gotten a lot of work done today. 

Romeo and Specs had already left, and now it was just him and Albert getting ready to leave.

”man...my feet kill.” Albert moaned as he rubbed at his toes.

Race snorted out a laugh, and threw his towel at him-which Albert grimaced at and quickly threw it back.

”I don’t want your sweat, man” Albert laughed. 

They both continued to pack up in silence, with the occasional snarky comment. 

“Hey Racer...can I like...you know, come round?” Albert asked, blushing a little.

”sure man, as long as you don’t freak Elmer out.” Race replied, laughing at Albert’s mock hurt expression. 

They both set off back to Race’s-it was only a short walk, and they both enjoyed the fresh air.

 

Race opened the door to see Spot sat at the breakfast bar, looking defeated.

”Spot? Where’s Elmer?” Race already knew that Spot hadn’t managed to keep Elmer around for long. 

Spot lifted up his head. Had he being crying? 

Race suddenly wasn’t annoyed anymore, and he rushed over to Spot to hug him. 

“Hey, it’s okay, it’s okay.” He shushed into Spot’s head. 

Albert looked on awkwardly. 

“He fucking left....I said that he shouldn’t expect us to help him anymore.” Spot said in between silent sobs.

”Then we won’t. If you’re done, then I am too....we’ve done all we can for him. It’s up to him now.” Race said.

Spot was shocked to hear Race say that, knowing that Race didn’t mean it at all-but they had to stop interfering, and finally let Elmer realise that he was making the wrong decisions. 

“You two can say that-but I’ve only just started. I left my phone at home, so I’ll go and get it and then go and look for him.” Albert said, annoyed at Spot and Race’s lack of determination. 

“He won’t fucking answer you! You have no idea what he’s like when he’s like this! You’ll probably find him stumbling over his own fucking feet!” Spot yelled, and Race tightened his hold around him.

”Elmer getting drunk?” Albert said. 

“It’s more likely than you think...” Race answered to Albert’s confusion. 

After a bad break, Elmer would go off and get drunk. He usually came back a while later, crying into Race’s embrace as he would comfort him.

Race knew that Spot was right; they couldn’t do anything more because, even when they found Elmer, he’d just go back to Kyle when he was sober. Race dreaded to think what Elmer would be like if he found Kyle whilst he was wasted. 

“Yeah, well I’m still gonna look for him. Don’t wait up.” Albert said, and he was out the door in a heart beat.

He wasn’t going to give up on Elmer, because he knew that if he was in that situation, Elmer wouldn’t give up on him.

Albert headed in then direction of his house-he’d retrieve his phone, then go and look for Elmer.

 

* * *

The sun was beginning to set, and it would be dark soon.

The main lightbulb had shattered as the electricity hit it. Elmer had sighed at that-it was naive to think that one thing would actually go his way. 

He had gotten home a little while ago, and he was currentlu sat on his sofa, drinking straight from the bottle of whisky that he had found in Kyle’s stash. Thankfully, he was a lightweight-Elmer thought.

 

It was a while later when the door opened and Kyle walked in.

He had been at the local bar with a few friends, complaining about how Elmer had left. He had been putting up a facade all night, but deep down, he was actually upset that Elmer was gone.

Much to his shock, Kyle saw Elmer dozing off on the couch, an empty bottle of whisky cradled to his chest.

Kyle smiled and walked over to him, brushing a stray fluff of hair away from Elmer’s forehead. He frowned as he could still see the bruising he had inflicted.

Elmer mumbled something and opened his eyes.

”Hey” he said, smiling at the familiar face that greeted his tired eyes.

”Hey your self.” Kyle replied. 

Elmer perked up at Kyle’s warm tone. He had missed it.

”I saved you some stuff!” Elmer said cheerily, but frowned when he found the bottle was empty.

”Did ya’ drink it?” Elmer asked seriously. Yep, he was wasted.

”I think you’ve had a little too much whiskey, babe” Kyle laughed as Elmer giggled drunkenly.

The moment they shared right then, was everything that Elmer had been waiting for.

With all the strength he could find under his drunken haze, Elmer reached up and pulled Kyle down-smashing their lips together.

His mind screamed at him, telling him to stop-but Elmer couldn’t bring himself to. It just felt right.

Elmer could taste the alcohol on Kyle’s breath, and he knew that if either of them were sober, they wouldn’t enjoy this. That was just how they clicked.

kyle grabbed Elmer’s face and deepened the kiss. He pulled Elmer up with him, and Elmer jumped to wrap his legs around his waste; which took a few tries because of how wasted he was.

The moment would be described as pure bliss, if it wasn’t for Elmer’s right-mind telling him that he was wrong. Yet again. He should really have gotten out by now, but he couldn’t bring himself to pull away because like it or not, he knew he was enjoying this.

”You want to?” Kyle asked between kisses. 

Despite the warning signs he had received, Elmer knew that Kyle would never take advantage of him-he always asks him. That was the statement that Elmer found hope in-hoping that Kyle still loved him, and that he was truly sorry for the wrong he had done. 

Elmer nodded, and they stumbled into the bedroom. 

This moment right now, was filled with passion, and loving touches that Elmer had craved for, for what felt like an eternity. 

As the door was clumsily shut behind them, Elmer would later realise that he would regret this moment. Not because it wouldn’t feel good, but because he would realise that he had pictured someone else in Kyle’s place.

Maybe he didn’t love him as much as he had thought; and as he would eventually wake up later, he would realise that the person he most wanted to be with wasn’t here.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of this chapter is inspired by the song 'Whatever You Want' by P!nk. I've been listening to her new-ish album, Beautiful Trauma. For some reason, i'd recommend listening to it whilst reading this fic. 
> 
> Okay, so this story is progressing, which makes me feel productive. However, it was probably a bad idea to get invested in this when I have exams coming up xD  
> But it's my way of winding down, even though it's a sad story line. 
> 
> Thanks for reading, everyone! New chapters soon :D


	5. Albert and Elmer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter explores the PAST of Albert and Elmer; more importantly, when Albert reaslises that he loves Elmer.
> 
> ‘It all leads up to this moment’
> 
> And then going back to the present story.

The _moment we met (first day of high school):_

The school cafeteria was buzzing with life; students pushing and shoving to get their lunch.

Elmer was glad that his mum had packed him a lunch today because looking at the line was making him anxious.

It was the first day of highschool, and Elmer had thought that he was prepared for it; but as he sat alone at a table at the back of the large hall, he couldn’t help but think that he couldn’t have been more wrong

He wasn’t a tall boy, but thankfully, he wasn’t the shortest. However, the hallways were still daunting, and the classes were a lot harder-making the cogs in his head turn. But he was glad that he had made it into the top set of maths; his mum always said that he was the best at it.

 

”Can I sit here?” 

Elmer looked up from his sandwhich to see a red-haired boy. He was wearing some knee length shorts and a purple shirt, as well as an orange and black baseball cap.

”sure.” Elmer mumbled in reply. 

The kid beamed and quickly sat next to him. 

“Man! I haven’t seen a hall this big since I competed in this one dance competition way back when!” The kid was practically beaming as he looked at Elmer.

Elmer perked up at the mention of dancing. 

“What kind?” He asked shyly. The red-haired boy smiled.

”It was a bunch of different styles! I have this friend, Racetrack, and he won first place in ballet!” 

Elmer giggled at the boy’s enthusiasm, not bothering to tell him that he already knew Race.

”Oh! I forgot! My names Albert!” Albert held his hand out for Elmer to shake.

”I’m Elmer.” He replied, grabbing Albert’s hand and shaking.

”like the glue?” Albert asked, confused.

Elmer just stared at him, and Albert thought he had said something to offend him, but Elmer just laughed at him. 

“You’re an odd one, Elms” Albert said, and Elmer blushed slightly at the nick name.

Albert started waving his hand as a taller boy with blonde curly hair walked over to them.

”Race! This is Elmer! He’s pretty cool!” Albert informed the new comer excitedly.

Racetrack put his trey down on the table, and laughed. 

“I already know him, Al. We go way back” Race informed Albert, and he grinned.

”gee, I bet you’re glad you’ve got a packed lunch, Elmer.” Race said whilst holding his smile. 

“Yeah. What’d you get?” Elmer asked. He suddenly felt a lot more comfortable with Racetrack there.

Race looked at his trey and turned his nose up at it. 

“I think it’s some sort of tuna pasta. Man, my mom could cook these lunch ladies under the table!” Race said.

Albert laughed.

”i was telling Elmer how you won first place in that one ballet competition!” Albert said cheerily, seemingly forgetting that Race had just told him that he already knew Elmer; and that Elmer already knew that Race had won that specific competition. 

”He did super good! I like tap best though” Elmer said. 

Albert whipped his head around to look at Elmer.

”You do!? That’s so cool!” Albert practically yelled.

Race laughed at his friend’s reaction.

”Tap is pretty awesome. I bet you’re real good at it, El” Albert gushed, practically admiring Elmer. 

Elmer smiled and nodded, because he was good at it. Very good, as his mom would say. 

“He is! He’s the best in his class, I swear! Our pal Romeo said that he’d rather watch Elmer dance than eat his favourite flavour of ice cream!” Race explained to Albert. 

The three of them laughed with each other, and Elmer realised that his first day of highschool had been improved by the red-haired boy, and his hyper active personality. 

* * *

 When we got closer ( _the inbetweens)_

”We’ve been sat here forever!” Albert complained as the school bus was stuck in traffic.

Their biology class had been on a trip to god knows where, some empty field in the middle of no where, to collect samples for a project. 

Albert had never been so glad to be in this specific science class. His class was paired up with Elmer’s class for the trip. 

“Albert, are you even playing anymore?” Blink asked. They had both been playing eye-spy. 

Although the game was childish, and they were in their final year of high school, they had both agreed on it to pass time. 

Albert would have sat with Elmer, but he was sat with Mush across from them-leaning his head on the window as he slept.

Mush was happily playing some sort of game on his phone, waiting for their journey to start again. 

Damn this traffic.

A hand waved in front on Albert’s face to get his attention.

”Dude, stop staring love-drunk holes into Elmer and swap seats with me!” Mush said cheerily. 

Albert could see Blink’s pleading face, and he rolled his eyes. Of course they would eventually want to sit together. 

“Sure.” Albert shrugged like it was no big deal; but his heart was hammering out of his chest as he took a seat next to Elmer’s sleeping form.

He forgot how cute Elmer was. 

He jumped when Elmer shifted in his sleep, and put his head onto Albert’s shoulder. 

“Woo! Get some, Al!” Blink shoutedly whispered across the seats. Mush playfully hit his arm to shut him up. 

Albert tried to move slowly, so Elmer’s head would be left leaning against the back of the chair, but Elmer just followed.

”Don’t move, s’comfy.” Elmer mumbled out. 

Mush was looking at them, and sent a thumbs up, whilst Blink was busy trying to make out with him.

Guess Albert was alone now. 

“You cold?” Albert asked smoothly.

Elmer just nodded, so Albert brought his arms him around him, letting him snuggle into his side.

“You’re good, Al” Elmer said, and he quickly fell back to sleep. Suddenly feeling warm and safe. 

Albert was now glad that they were stuck in traffic; it meant that he could sit with Elmer for what would feel like an eternity. 

It was in that moment when he realised, maybe he and Elmer had a chance. 

* * *

 

_You pushed me away (final year of high school)_

Sometimes, if Albert squinted, he could see freckles that he hadn’t ever seen before on Elmer’s face. 

“Are you gonna get off of me so we can study?” Elmer asked, quircking an eyebrow up at Albert.

They had been in Albert’s room where Elmer was helping him study for their maths final, when one thing lead to another, and the two had ended up tumbling and wrestling. Albert had succeeded in pinning Elmer.

”I dunno....I’m kind of enjoying winning.” Albert grinned and grabbed Elmer’s wrists, holding them above his head.

”You’re such a dick.” Elmer laughed, sticking his tongue out at his friend.

Albert scoffed, and let one of his hands trail down to squeeze at Elmer’s side. He got the reaction he wanted, when Elmer squeaked and bucked up.

”Don’t you dare! We have to study, AlbERT!” Elmer finished his sentence with a shriek as Albert poked up and down his torso.

He laughed at Elmer’s response and got off of him, sitting back down next to the low side table. 

“You’re such a girl” Albert said, smiling at Elmer as he got up. 

“Only because you’re a jerk” He replied, lightly hitting Albert in the arm. 

“Only because you’re still fucking ticklish” Albert snorted and sighed as Elmer began explaining maths terms that he already understood.

Mush had given him the idea to ask Elmer for help so he could spend some time with him before they left school. 

Albert wasn’t happy about that fact. He didn’t know what would happen if their friendship group didn’t all get into the same college. 

Him, Elmer, Race, Specs and Romeo planned on majoring in dance together-they had the argument that the five of them merged together well. So group performances would be epic! 

Albert often thought about what it would be like to dance with Elmer. They didn’t go to the same dance school growing up, so he never had the opportunity to experience it. He was jealous that Race had danced with Elmer before; but that was completely platonic, and for their drama grade. 

Elmer looked up from the maths booklet to see Albert staring at him. 

“What?” He asked as his lips curled up into a smile. 

“Nothing, is just...” Albert started. He swore he saw Elmer lean in.

”just what?” Elmer asked. 

The two of them stared at each other for a little while, contemplating what would happen next. 

“It’s just...” Albert mumbled, and he closed the gap between them. 

It was like the start of a moment, and like they were standing at the edge of the word, and they could do anything.

He could feel Elmer smile into the kiss, happily returning it; but then he stopped-and it was like the world had stopped moving once again.

Elmer pulled away. 

“What?” Albert asked, suddenly feeling like he’d done something wrong. 

“We can’t do this.” Elmer said guiltily. 

Albert raised his eyebrows and leaned back. “Okay.” He just said.

“I’m sorry....it’s just that-there’s this guy I’ve been seeing and-“ Elmer didn’t know what else to say.

He really liked Albert-a lot; and the moment they just shared was everything that he wanted. But this guy that he was seeing made him feel like the world had fallen off of his shoulders. 

Albert looked at Elmer as he got up and packed his stuff.

”I’ll see you at school.” He said. 

Albert watched him leave, not knowing what to say. He had just experienced the best thing in his life-kissing the guy that he was now pretty sure he loved.

But he had let him walk out the door. Later, Albert would realise that he had made a grave mistake; letting Elmer walk into the hands of Kyle, and not realising that he was in danger until college.

 

* * *

_Now_

Albert had given up trying to find Elmer because, he didn’t even know where to look. He could have asked Race or Spot, but he knew they wouldn’t give him answers; they had said they were done. 

Like the morning, Albert heard knocking at his bedroom door. 

“Night Al” Mush said, but Albert didn’t feel like answering him. 

He just layed in his bed for a while, wondering where Elmer could be, and what he would he would be doing. What if he had gone back to Kyle? It made Albert even angrier. 

Why couldn’t Elmer just admit that he liked him? That much was obvious. 

All their friends had figured it out, and he and Elmer were definitely more than friends; despite growing apart this last year. 

Albert hit his head into his pillow and groaned frustratedly. 

After a while, he drifted off into a light doze. 

 

A knock at the door woke Albert up. He glanced over at the clock on his bedside table-he’d only been asleep for half an hour. 

“What do you want, Mush?” Albert asked. 

But he realised that the knocking wasn’t coming from his bedroom door, it was coming from the front door.

Albert frowned as he got up. He was going to punch Mush if he had decided to invite Blink over at such an ungodly hour.

”I will kick your obsessed ass, Blink-“ Albert said as he opened the door, but when he saw who it actually was, he stopped talking. 

No words could express his relief and anger at the situation he had just found himself in.

”Elmer” he breathed out. 

“I know I shouldn’t have come, I just...I don’t know what to do anymore, or where to go...I messed up.” Elmer babbled out.

Albert looked him up and down, noticing that Elmer’s cheeks were tear stained, and he wobbled slightly-struggling to stay up right. 

Was he drunk? 

He still couldn’t comprehend the situation as Elmer looked at him. 

He was at his doorstep, worse for wear, but safe. 

Albert shook out of his thoughts when he realised that Elmer probably hadn’t even stopped crying the entire night.

It was like he was on auto-pilot when his arms gripped tightly around Elmer, like he was a life line.

”ssh, ssh, it’s okay.” Albert whispered into Elmer’s hair. 

He could hear Elmer sniffle into his night-shirt, and he couldn’t help but feel glad that he had chosen him to come to.

“Come on, let’s go to bed, hm?” Albert said softly.

He expected Elmer to refuse, and then leave-claiming he didn’t need his help, that the moment of weakness was his most recent mistake. 

To his surprise though, Elmer nodded into his chest, and Albert’s heart swelled at the affection. 

They both leant on each other as they stumbled tiredly (and drunkenly, in Elmer’s case) to Albert’s bedroom.

”Do you have a sleeping bag?” Elmer asked. 

Albert laughed, but when he realised that he was serious, he just stared at him. 

“My bed is big enough, it’s fine” He reassured Elmer.

”no... I don’t think that’s a good idea. I wouldn’t wanna mess anything up.” Elmer said.

Albert had already gotten into bed, and he just rolled his eyes as he opened up the covers.

”shut up and get in, you look shattered.” Albert said, and he meant it in more sense than just tiredness.

Elmer hesitantly got in, and he layed stiff until Albert wrapped his arms around him. He flinched but then settled down. 

“What happened?” Albert mumbled out. 

Elmer just shook his head and cried again; Albert just tightened his hold around him. 

Eventually, they both fell asleep, with Albert still protectively holding Elmer like the dark would crawl up and take him away again. 

He realised that they hadn’t shared a bed since the time they had shared their first kiss. It was cheesy, and Albert smiled as he recalled the great moment-up until Elmer had pulled away. 

As they both layed there, Albert was glad that Elmer had come to him; he felt needed, and he was ready to do anything for the other boy huddled into his arms. 

This was perfect, and Albert didn’t want anything else right now. 


	6. Can We Start Again?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after Elmer gets to Albert’s, and they talk.

Fingers traced on skin, and words that tasted like ash as he forced out sweet nothings.

The night before, for Elmer, had been a mistake. 

He just wanted to feel loved, and needed; so he had gone home, counting on Kyle to come back. The only way to stand it was to get drunk-which he had done successfully. 

After he made the mistake of sleeping with Kyle, he had layed in bed for a while; watching the monster sleep. At that moment, he knew that he wanted to leave; he knew he wanted out. It wasn’t the person he wanted.

So he had found himself practically running out of the apartment and down the street-wearing jogging bottoms and a t-shirt. He even forgot to put shoes on. 

He must have looked like an idiot, but he didn’t care; he just needed to get out. 

His legs had carried him through the streets, with no idea where he was going to go. A list of people he knew kept repeating itself in his head, skipping over Spot and Race; they didn’t want to see him. 

It only made sense for him to go to Albert’s because, he had realised that he was already stood outside the door, cold and breathing heavily. 

It had taken him a while to knock on the door in fear of being rejected; but Albert had answered. 

 

Now here he was, laying in Albert’s bed, tracing lines on his face in his imagination; like if he reached out and touched him, he would be gone. 

Albert shifted in his sleep, wrapping his body around Elmer’s; which made him want to run again-but he didn’t.

Elmer just layed there, looking at the sleeping face of the only other guy he had ever loved. 

And the world began to turn again. 

* * *

 Romeo was sat at his desk, Skyping with Specs whilst he wrote down some notes.

”Its weird though, don’t you think?” Specs said from the other side of the screen.

”Yeah....did they think we wouldn’t notice anything was wrong?” Romeo replied. 

He stopped writing and sighed.

”I know, babe. I don’t get why they won’t talk to us....Spot and Race look like they want to explode.” Specs said.

They both sat there in thought, wondering why their friends were acting so secretive and angsty. 

Romeo heard Spec’s bedroom door open from the opposite side of the screen, he focussed on the background.

”Heya Specs! You wanking off to your boyfriend?” Blink asked out plainly. 

Romeo laughed as Specs rolled his eyes.

”How does Mush put up with you?” Specs retorted.

Blink out his hands on Specs’ shoulders and shook him slightly.

”Ah, Mushy loves me!” Blink beamed.

What had him in such a good mood? Secs thought to himself.

”You gonna help me set up for this party then?” Blink asked Specs. He then looked into the camera.

”You can come and help too, if you want Romeo” He added.

”Seen as I’m not your roomate, I’m not obliged to. But I will rescue you at the party, Specs” Romeo replied.

Specs groaned, and they said their goodbyes and disconnected the call.

Romeo sat back in his desk chair, wondering what he would wear tonight. 

Blink had an excellent party reputation, so quite a few people would be there; more than likely some he wouldn’t know.

”Romeo, me and Sarah are going to that cafe down the street; you want anything?“ Katherine asked as she knocked on the already opened door. 

She was just polite like that. 

“No thank, I guess I’ll go and help Specs and Blink set up for the party.” Romeo said. 

Deciding to change his mind because he had nothing else to do today.

He left his room, and Katherine followed him into the kitchen. 

“What’s up?” Katherine said frowning.

”Noting, it’s just that our friends are acting weird. Specifically Race, Spot and Albert; and we haven’t seen Elmer for ages.” Romeo explained.

He tended to include Specs when he described his problems-they came as a pair. 

“Maybe you should just ask them.” Sarah said as she walked into the room.

Katherine and Sarah exchanged a look.

”What is it?” Romeo asked, noticing the mood on the room darken. 

“I think you should really just ask them.” Sarah said.

”No. no, you know something-so say it.” Romeo said plainly-he wasn’t aggressive, he just wanted to know. 

Sarah sighed, and Katherine nodded her head for her to continue.

”Elmer is in trouble, I guess. Like, his partner?....” Sarah said, looking at Romeo.

”Boyfriend. His name is Kyle.” Romeo bit his lip as he said it; scared of what Sarah would say next. 

“Yeah well, I guess Kyle knocked him around some-frequently. I’ve seen him in the ER a few times on my shift. Saw him the other day, and called Spot and his boyfriend....what was his name?” Sarah continued.

”Race.” Romeo mumbled out.

”Yeah, Racetrack! Anyway, I called them and they came to get him. I just presumed that Elmer was staying with them now.” Sarah finished her explanation, and looked at Romeo for a sign that it had registered.

Romeo couldn’t believe his ears. Sarah had put it bluntly and brief, but Romeo had never really liked Kyle to begin with, so now he had an excuse to actually hate him. 

“So he isn’t sick? He’s just going through a bad time?” Romeo asked, looking for confirmation. 

Katherine and Sarah nodded.

”I’m sorry Romeo...we didn’t think it was our place to tell you, but you really do deserve to know. I mean, you and Elmer go way back, right?” Katherine said sympathetically.

Romeo nodded and then got ready to go to Blink and Specs’ place. He needed a drink after hearing that. 

 

* * *

The morning had come too fast for Albert’s liking. He shifted in bed and noticed that the warmth of another person was missing.

He bolted upright and looked around his room, hoping for Elmer to be somewhere, but he wasn’t. 

Albert got up and slipped some pyjama pants on, and set off on a search through his shared place.

He didn’t have to walk far when he heard Mush shriek in surprise at something.

”Elmer!? When did you get here, and is that my toothbrush?” Mush yelped from the bathroom. 

Albert walked into the bathroom and glanced at both of them.

”No, it’s a spare. It was in the cupboard, and could you not yell? My head kills.” Elmer mumbled around the toothebrush, and gathering foam in his mouth.

Mush just nodded, and closed the door as he left, bumping into Albert on his way out. 

He jumped, then shoved Albert into their kitchen, closing the sliding door behind them.

”What the hell? Why is El here?” Mush whispered, and the cogs turned in his head.

Elmer’s hair was sticking out in all directions, and he looked tired, but kind of happy-to say he probably had a hang over.

Mush gasped and his eyes widened.

”Did you sleep which him!? Oh my gosh, Al!? Did you score!?” Mush whispered excitedly.

He hoped Elmer was here because he had left that bastard he was so ‘in love with’. Mush wasn’t stupid, and he was good at analysing situations; something was wrong with Elmer, and had been for a while now.

”no! We didn’t sleep together. He just showed up here last night! I couldn’t turn him away-so we just shared my bed.” Albert explained in the same hushed tone that Mush had used.

Mush frowned-so Elmer hadn’t left his place; he had just come here to seek refuge.

”Whatever you’re think Albert, it’s not gonna happen. Until Elmer actually leaves Kyle, you can’t  pursue your feelings. He’s obviously going through a rough time.” Mush said.

Albert just nodded at that, he knew Mush was right. They had talked about this many times before, on the nights that he was in need of a friend to complain to about the way he felt-Mush was always there. 

“He should just do it already. I thought it was bad, but when I found out that the nut job fucking hits him-“ 

Shit. Albert had fucked up. He may still be angry at Race and Spot, but he wouldn’t go back on his word about telling someone about Elmer’s situation.

”woah woah woah. Back up. Kyle fucking abuses him?” Mush said, a little louder this time.

”ssshh! Forget I said anything!” Albert said, waving his hands around as if it could wipe the information out of the air.

”no. You said he hits him. Why the fuck is he still with him?” Mush pursued the issue.

Albert felt like he had no choice but to tell him...he never liked to see Mush angry. 

“Yes....Kyle-“ Albert took a breath before saying the word. “...abuses him.” 

Mush was about to say something, but Elmer walked in with wet hair, and a towel wrapped around his waste. 

Albert took it all in; the freckles that dusted Elmer’s torso, and his slightly toned stomach, and his tousled hair. Jesus Christ he was in deep.

Mush spared a glance at Albert, and used his hand to push his mouth (which was hung open at the sight of Elmer) closed. 

“You’re drooling.” Mush whispered, and Albert elbowed him. 

“Do you guys have any clothes I could borrow? I just need em so I can go back home. I’ll give you them back....at some point.” Elmer said.

Truth be told, he didn’t know when he’d give them back because, he wasn’t planning on seeing anyone for a while; maybe if he just went and hid under a rock, his problems would go away. 

“Going home? Nah man, just stay however long you want. Maybe forever! Yes! Stay forever! That’s a great idea!” Mush rambled out.

Elmer creased his forehead, and then glared at Albert.

”you told him? What the fuck.” Elmer said, but he didn’t look angry-just defeated. 

“Yeah...I’m sorry.” Albert said, and he really meant it.

Elmer must have sensed that, as he just nodded his head-accepting that things were bound to unravel sooner or later.

”So, any clothes I can borrow?” Elmer asked again, this time it came out shyly.

”yes! I’ll go and get them! Don’t worry about giving them back, Albert loves sharing his clothes! Not that he brings home people all the time or anything, cause he’s compeltely hung up on you and-“ Mush was rambling again.

Albert quickly cut him off-“thanks Mushy!” He called after his friend.

It was just Albert and Elmer left in the kitchen. Just Albert and a practically naked Elmer, stood in the kitchen together. Just Albert and a practically naked, hot as fuck, dorkily cute, toned, love of his fucking life-Elmer....stood in his kitchen. 

“Do you have any aspirin?” Elmer asked.

Albert hadn’t realised that Elmer had sat down at the kitchen counter. He was rubbing his forehead. 

Albert looked around the counter, thankfully noting that Elmer was wearing boxers; not that he would have midned, but he didn’t know how much perfection he could handle in one morning. 

“Yeah, Yeah. Top left cupboard” Albert replied. 

Elmer nodded thanks and stood up to get the pain killers.

Albert noticed that his back had some bruises on; though he thankfully noted that they weren’t fresh. 

He walked closer to Elmer over at the counter, he intended to sit down, but Elmer stumbled and bumped into his chest. 

Okay, now Albert had a half naked, freshly showered, cute, hot, toned, fucking amazing tap dancer, love of his fucking life, basically in his arms. 

This time, he wasn’t tired, and Elmer wasn’t drunk. 

They looked at each other, and something seemed to click in Albert’s mind, screaming at him to make a move.

The kitchen door opened, and they jumped away from each other. 

“Here’s some clothes, I couldn’t find any-am I interrupting something? The sexual tension in here is as thick as-“ Mush was cut off by Albert.

”Mush! Don’t you have to help Blink set up his party?” Albert said, hoping that Mush would get the message to leave them alone.

Mush nodded along to the excuse-that wasn’t technically a lie, he just hadn’t planned to go to Blink and Specs’ place this early.

”I got you, I got it. Use protection!” Mush called as he once again, closing the kitchen doors.

Albert just smiled awkwardly at Elmer, and Elmer laughed. It sounded like it was raining gold. 

“You really are that obvious, huh?” Elmer said smiling at Albert.

It was like the fucking sun had leaked into his kitchen.

”I thought I was good at it! Hiding my feelings...I mean, you did practically shut me down before summer.” Albert said, and he cringed at his words.

Oh well, they had to confront it sooner or later.

”Albert...you know I love you.” Elmer said.

Albert blushed, and he felt like he was flying. 

“Do you? I mean, you said that you liked that guy, and-“ Albert stopped.

Try as he might, but he was not too good at connecting the dots.

”The guy you stopped kissing me for back in high school, was Kyle!?” Albert said.

Elmer nodded, looking down at the floor. He had made mistakes, but he hoped he could make it right. He needed to, for the sake of his sanity, and Albert’s.

Last night, he had realised that he still loved Albert, just now, he knew that he had always loved him more that Kyle. 

“That’s...wow. That’s just...did you say that you loved me?” Albert said. He couldn’t even bring himself to be mad.

Elmer nodded again, and Albert knew that it was now or never. 

He grabbed Elmer’s face and kissed him. Just like that. Just like the way he had before college. 

It felt like they were the innocent people from their high school days, pining after each other in the hallways; and their friends would get annoyed at them for not making a move. 

Elmer happily returned the kiss, forgetting all about Kyle, and all of the bad things that had happened to him. 

The edge of the world had crept up on them once again, and they felt invincible as they were finally home in each other’s arms.

”wait, wait.” Albert said. This time, he pulled away.

”What is it?” Elmer asked.

They we’re still holding each other, chests falling and rising. 

“We can’t  do this.” Albert said.

Elmer frowned-he guessed he deserved that. He let go of Albert and sat back down. Reaching over and slipping on the t-shirt that Mush had left.

”No! I didn’t mean it like that! I fucking wanna do this every morning, and I wanna wake up to you in my arms, and I really really really wanna fucking dance with you.” Albert admitted, kicking himself for making it sound like he didn’t want Elmer.

”Yeah I know. I’ve seen you watching me practice. You haven’t been there though, recently.” Elmer said, looking at Albert.

”hm? Oh, right! Yeah, that’s a little weird, but you’re really good and....what do you mean recently? You haven’t been to class.” Albert said confused.

Elmer rolled his eyes, and allowed himself to smile.

”I’ve been practicing in the auditorium after hours. They should really get a better door. Anyway, I may not have my tap shoes anymore....but I still have my jazz shoes, and ballet stuff, and I was never just gonna quit.” Elmer explained.

Even though he admitted to himself that he was scared of what Kyle would do if he found out he was still dancing, he still did it. It was the only thing that made him happy recently. 

“That’s...you could have told me! I’ve been missing out!” Albert said exasperatedly.

Elmer shoved him playfully, and Albert sat down next to him. 

The mood turned serious.

”What happened last night? We were worried....I was worried. I tried to find you.” Albert said with his head hung low.

”I went home, that’s all.” Elmer replied. 

They didn’t look at each other; afraid that they would break. 

“Back to him?” Albert asked, already knowing the answer.

”Yeah. Me and Spot had an argument that went too far, like we always do. I Got drunk and went home, me and Kyle slept together. Then I realised that he isn’t what I want.” Elmer explained.

There was nothing more to it.

Albert looked at him this time, feeling a burst of confidence. He knew that Elmer was in the right frame of mind now; Spot had finally succeeded in bellowing some sense into him. 

“What do you want?” Albert asked. 

“You. I want you because-“ Elmer breathed.

It was like he was ending an era. He had built up so much, and he was ready to knock it down and start fresh. 

“Because I love you. I guess i always have. But I was scared. Then I met Kyle, and we’d get drunk and laugh and fool around. Then we got serious, and I thought I was too late. I did really love him, but he isn’t the same anymore. It isn’t the same. It’s not you.” 

Albert stared at Elmer, his throat was dry. 

“You still love him-I can see it. The way you talk about him. You’re like an addict waiting for his next hit that I know you don’t want, but he’s the first person you’ve shared stuff with.” Albert replied.

”You’re the first person I’ve ever loved. I don’t love Kyle; I was just a different person last year.” Elmer said.

”you do love him. He’s the first person you’ve been in a relationship with.” 

Elmer nodded to that, because it was true. He and Kyle had learned how to step into the adult world together, but Kyle  has obviously slid down a darker path. 

“Albert.” Elmer sighed, and he grabbed his hands.

Albert hesitantly pulled his hands away and stood up. 

“We can’t do this-whatever this is-until you end it with him. You can’t have both of us, and if you say you don’t love him, then you don’t. But if you need time to get over him, then I’ll still be here. Just please, please, please don’t go back to him; he isn’t good for you.” 

Elmer listened to Albert’s words with a lot of focus; taking it all in and spinning it around his head.

He has to convince himself that Kyle wasn’t worth all of the heart ache, and that he wasn’t the same as he used to be. But he did still love him, and that just made him feel fucked up. 

“Elmer....I love you. Please make the right choice.” Albert said, and he kissed him on the forehead, breathing in the scent of the the familiar shampoo. 

He left the kitchen, leaving Elmer deep in thought.

He would make the right decision, and then they could start again. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some good old Albert and Elmer fluff-with the underlying theme of sadness. Sigh. 
> 
> Thanks for reading :D  
> Chapter 7 out soon!


	7. Racetrack and Elmer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A small glimpse into Race and Elmer’s past.  
> The present tense parts are set on the night where Elmer went back home (before he got to Albert’s) 
> 
> You’re in for a rollar coaster of emotions. 
> 
> :)

Race was laying in bed beside Spot. He couldn’t help but think where Elmer could be right now. It was most likely that he went back home, and back to Kyle.

Just the thought of that made Race scared that he would get another call from the hospital; only this time, he was scared that it would be to identify the body. 

He knew he was being dramatic, but if one punch landed wrong, then Elmer could be much worse for wear than he was last time.

Him and Spot hadn’t meant it when they had told Albert that they were done. They weren’t done helping Elmer, they just didn’t know what to do anymore. 

Race rolled over and looked at Spot’s sleeping form. He always looked peaceful when he slept, unlike Elmer, who tossed and turned; often waking up at the other end of the bed.

Sleepovers when they were kids didn’t allow Race to get much sleep when they shared a bed. He didn’t know how Elmer slept now, or even if he did.

He often joked that Albert would get kicked out of bed, if they ever got together.

God, how Race wished Elmer had forgotten about Kyle that summer, and gone back to Albert. They just worked so well together.

Thinking about everything made a few times pop up in Race’s head; times where Elmer was vulnerable like he was now, and times where his smile lit up an entire rooms....he missed it.

* * *

 

_When she died (eigth grade)_

 

 

Race was sat waiting for Elmer to meet him at the bus stop. His mum usually gave them a lift, but she was at work; so Race had to take the bus today. 

It was cold, and had snowed the night before, making the pavements and roads icey. 

 

Race checked his watch...Elmer was running late. 

The bus arrived on time, and Race had no choice to get on because he didn’t want to be late. His chemistry teacher would skin him alive.

 

Through out the school day, Race had asked the others where Elmer was, but they had also all asked him; since he was closest to Elmer. 

He didn’t have an answer.

Albert had been bummed out that Elmer wasn’t at school, annoying their friends a lot more than normal with his puppy love. 

It just made everyone miss Elmer more.

 

After school, Race went straight to Elmer’s house, practically running all the way there. He slipped on the ice a few times; the second time he did, his face hit the ground and gave him a bloody nose. Yet he still continued running to Elmer’s house. 

He frantically knocked on the door, and Elmer’s older brother opened it, looking quizzically at Race.

”is Elmer here?” Race blurted out, holding his bloody nose.

The older guy nodded.

”Your nose is bleeding.” He pointed out. 

Race rolled his eyes and nodded.

”yes, yeah I know. Is Elmer here? Can I see him!” Race asked.

Elmer’s brother folded his arms and looked around the yard a bit. He then nodded, and let Racetrack step into the warmth of the house.

”He’s in his room. Don’t be loud.” He said,

He stalked off into the kitchen grabbing a towel and throwing it at Race from the doorway. Race nodded his head in thanks. 

Race could sense there was something wrong because the air felt thick, and he suddenly felt out of place in the familiar surroundings.

He walked slowly up the stairs, making sure no blood would drip onto the wooden flooring. 

The door he had gone through millions of times was closed. It was never closed. So he knocked and waited to be invited in.

He heard a quiet muffle from the other side, and stepped in, opening the door slowly. 

“Hey El.” Race said, muffled by the tea towel he was holding. 

Elmer jumped up from his bed and rushed over to Racer.

”Oh my god, your nose! What happened? Did you get into a fight? You’re such an idiot. Come on.” Elmer said without letting Race get a word in.

He grabbed Racetrack’s hand and dragged him to the bathroom across the hall. 

Grabbing more tissue and stuffing it into Race’s face, Elmer just didn’t seem right.

Race noticed that his eyes were puffy, probably from crying. But why? 

“How was school? Did we get any homework? ...i’ve never fixed a bloody nose before-“

Race’s head was spinning with all the words Elmer threw his way.

”Elmer, slow down! What happened to you?” Race asked.

The bathroom became silent, and Race sat down on the toilet lid, watching Elmer who had his back to him and was leaning over the sink. 

“She’s gone.” Elmer mumbled.

”Gone? Who’s gone? Gone where?” Race asked. He was confused.

”mom.” Elmer ground out. His back moved with each silent breath he took to try and calm himself. 

Race’s eyes widened. He couldn’t believe it. 

“What do you mean? Your mom....shes-“

”fucking dead, Racetrack! She’s dead and she isn’t coming back!” Elmer shouted.

He had finally turned around to face Race, and he couldn’t breathe. He felt sick. 

“Elmer.” Race said.

Racetrack quickly stood up and hugged Elmer tightly.

”I’m so sorry.” He said.

Elmer sobbed into his shirt, neither of them caring that Race’s nose was still bleeding from his icey fall earlier. 

They both stood in the bathroom, holding onto each other like they were all they had left. 

Race knew that he had to grow up fast to be there for Elmer. He needed to know how to deal with this.

Snow fell outside, and Race began to cry. 

* * *

 

A while had passed, but Race still couldn’t get to sleep. Thinking about that day made him want to find Elmer even more; even though him and Spot said they wouldn’t.

His mind seemed to be opening doors which let in insight from his past. 

He smiled. 

* * *

 

_You’re gay, I’m gay, we’re all gay, Racer (ninth grade)_

It was summer, and the group of friends had decided to just hang out at their local park.

The large field was mainly empty at this time, and most of the annoying kids would have gone home for dinner.

Race and Elmer were laying at opposite ends of the picnic blanket, just talking about random things, when Race said:

”I’m pretty sure Albert has a crush on you.” He said as he idly fiddled with a piece of grass.

”Me? I doubt that.” Elmer replied. 

Race sat up and smirked down at Elmer. 

“Oh come on! He looks at you with heart eyes!” Race yelled.

Elmer jumped up and put a hand over his mouth. 

“Shut up, he doesn’t like me!” Elmer said.

Race shoved his hand from his mouth and smirked.

”oh my god! You like him!” Race said, and he stood up.

”Elmer Kasprzak likes Albert Da-“

Elmer tackled Race to the ground, and they shuffled aroud the grass, both trying to gain control.

Race laughed as he looked down at Elmer.

”man, you suck at this.” Race laughed out. 

“Yeah well, you like Spot Conlon from your science class!” Elmer said a bit too loudly for Race’s comfort.

”I don’t! I don’t like guys! I went on a date with that girl last week!” Race defended himself.

Elmer rolled his eyes.

”You so do....you told me!” Elmer said, and he grinned up at Race.

”Yeah well, I don’t want anyone else to know!” Race yelped out as Elmer pushed him off of him. 

They both looked at each other and Elmer breathed out.

”just because those guys give you a hard time for doing ballet, doesn’t mean that you aren’t allowed to like guys....it doesn’t make you any less of who you are.” Elmer said.

”I mean, look at Mush and Blink! No one bothers them, because they don’t let it. And Romeo and Specs; they’re well respected. Don’t let like, two people, get you down.”

Race looked down at his hands that were resting in his lap. Elmer was always right, and he was just scared that Spot wouldn’t like him back; so he’d go on dates with all the girls that threw themselves at him. He snorted at that; he didn’t even like girls like that.

“You should ask him out! I bet he’ll say yes!” Elmer mused.

Mush, Blink, Romeo, Specs and Albert came rushing over and jumped on the picnic blanket. 

“Who does Racer like!?” Romeo demanded, needing to know.

He grinned and flopped onto Specs’ lap.

”He likes Spot!” Elmer said.

Racetrack pushed Elmer over, and they rolled around again; Racer got the upper hand and tickled him.

”I told you not to tell!” He yelled playfully as Elmer shrieked underneath him.

”oh my god that’s adorbale, he’s ticklish.” Albert said out loud.

Mush, Blink, Romeo and Specs turned to him, and his cheeks flushed red.

”aaawww, Albert is in looooovvee” Romeo teased.

Race let Elmer up, and he shuffled away quickly.

”you suck, Higgins” Elmer complained.

His hair was tousled in all directions, and Race laughed at him. 

They had good days and bad days, but Elmer always brightened up Race’s mood; and he had also managed to talk some sense into him too.

He asked Spot out before that summer ended, and it was the best decision of his life. 

* * *

 

Racetrack still hadn’t managed to get to sleep, but now he was smiling in the dark.

He knew that Elmer would eventually come to terms with reality, and help himself.

He and Spot would be there when Elmer needed them. And that’s all that mattered.  

They were still the two goofy kids that had grown up together; and they’d get that back soon. 

With that thought, Race finally drifted to sleep-the kid in his heart smiling. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m liking how this has all come together. 
> 
> I’m sad to say that it’s nearly over, only a few more chapters now 
> 
> Chapter 8 soon! :) 
> 
> P.S. it’s snowing a lot over here.


	8. Let Me Go so I can Breathe Easy

Elmer was still sat in Albert and Mush’s kitchen. He was anxious to go back home and tell Kyle that he didn’t want to do this anymore.

He could call Kyle, but then he would feel like a coward. He knew that he had to see him to be sure of what he was about to do. 

“Fuck me.” Elmer grumbled to himself. 

This was either going to go well, or he’d be dead before he could get out of the door.

Elmer thought the latter. 

“Better late than never.” He said to the empty room, and stood up. 

Noticing a bottle of vodka that Albert had left on the side, he opened it and took a fews sips. He’d do this better with a little liquor. 

He’d do it, and then it would be over. He owed Albert that much.

* * *

 

“For gods sake, Blink! If you don’t hold the stool steady then I’ll climb down there and kick your ass myself!” Specs yelled.

He and Blink were putting up some rainbow streamers, because Blink had said that ‘it ain’t no party without me throwing my sexuality everywhere’.

Specs had no choice but to agree.

The front door opened, and Romeo walked in with a few bottles of cider, and he placed them on the side.

”Romeo! Your boyfriend is threatening my life!” Blink called, although he did hold the stool steady this time.

Specs finished up and hopped down. 

“God, if I have to put up with your organising ass, then I’m gonna need a drink much earlier than seven.” Specs said.

He saw Romeo stood in the room and perked up. 

“My baby! Save me!” Specs said, mocking Blink’s ‘desperate’ act when ever he saw Mush.

”Aaaawww, it’s okay! I’ll protect you!” Romeo said, wrapping his arms around Specs.

Blink rolled his eyes at their antics and walked over to the kitchen counter.

”I’ve got a reputation to uphold at this college! My parties are fucking awesome! Rainbow shit, everywhere!” Blink shouted out. 

Romeo and Specs sniggered. 

 

Mush walked in later with more rainbow decorations, along with tequila and some beer.

”Mushy! Thank goodness! These two have been bullying me!” Blink called to his boy friend.

”Blinky, you’re over powering at organising parties” Mush said, and Blink pouted. 

 

Not long after, Albert walked in.

”Oh shit...I forgot the vodka.” He said. 

Mush turned to him and waved.

”Don’t worry, you can text Elmer to bring it later. He is coming, right?” Mush said.

The atmosphere tensed as everyone turned their attention to Mush and Albert’s conversation.

”Elmer? He’s coming?” Blink asked.

He furrowed his eyebrows as he thought about it.

”He isn’t bring Kyle is he?” He added.

Mush shook his head, and Blink sighed in relief.

”Thankgod...he’s such a dick.” 

Romeo stepped towards them.

”You have no idea. I really wanna punch his fucking smug face.” Romeo said.

”What do you mean?” Specs asked.

”well, he...I don’t know if I should say-“ Romeo started.

”What do you mean, Romeo?” Albert asked quickly.

If he knew something, then Race and Spot would definitely blame him for telling everyone.

”it’s just....Sarah and Kath told me some stuff earlier....” Romeo replied, looking down at the ground. 

Albert put his hands on Romeo’s shoulders and shook him slightly.

”What did they say?” He asked frantically.

”woah, okay, back off Al.” Specs said unamused.

Romeo took a breath.

”That Kyle had been hitting him, and stuff. And Sarah had seen him in the ER a few times...” Romeo trailed off, waiting to see everyone’s reactions.

When he noticed that only Specs and Blink were the only ones that looked shocked, he was confused.

”Wait. You two knew!?” Romeo said, pointing at Albert and Mush.

”I only found out this morning! Elmer was at our place when I woke up, Albert told me why....” Mush defended himself.

Romeo simply nodded. “And you?” He said, referring to Albert.

“I picked him up from the ER the other morning....I didn’t know then, I swear! But then Race told me after class the other day, and I just kind of got involved. That’s why Race and Spot have been acting so secretive.” Albert explained. 

They all just looked at each other in shock and disgrace.

”Well....at least we know now.” Romeo said, his sudden anger deflating. 

They all turned towards the front door when it opened, Race and Spot walking in. 

“Okay. Who died?” Spot joked when he saw everyone looking serious. 

“Guys?” Race added as he walked in behind Spot. 

Albert sighed. “Secrets out guys.” 

“What do you mean?” Race asked nervously.

”We know about fucking Kyle beating the shit out of Elmer!” Blink yelled, shoving Spot slightly as he walked past him.

”What the fuck!?” Race yelled back, pointing at Albert.

”no one was supposed to know!” 

Albert swallowed and nodded his head in acknowledgment. 

“We deserve to know, Race. And Albert didn’t tell us all....Sarah and Katherine told me.” Romeo said.

”Those fuckers.” Spot gritted out; not really meaning the aggression towards two of his oldest friends. 

Everyone just glanced around the room.

”Wait....Mush, when did you find out?” Race asked. “You don’t look as shocked as Blink and Specs.” 

Mush laughed awkwardly. “This morning. Elmer was at our place so Albert told me why. I thought he had scored.” He sent a teasing smirk at Albert.

”oh my god! You found him? Why didn’t you call, you dick! I’ve been trying to get through to Elmer all morning!” Race yelled.

”because you said you wanted nothing to do with him!” Albert shouted back.

”Okay, we didn’t mean that! If we did, then we’d have stopping trying to help a long time ago!” Spot yelled, defending Racetrack.

”Okay okay, we’re gonna get no where shouting at each other.” Blink said. 

“You’re right.” Albert said. 

The room was silent as everyone let the new information sink in. 

“Where is he now?” Spot asked, arms folded and face frowning.

”He was in the kitchen when I left; he said he was going to-oh shit!” Albert said.

He had fucked up by telling Elmer to end it with Kyle; he should have known that he wouldn’t just call him, and he would go straight to the mouth of the beast. 

“Albert?” Spot asked again.

”Well, this morning we sort of made out, but I said that we couldn’t start anything until he ending it with Kyle; and I think he’s gone back home-“ 

“you scored!? Go Alby! Go Alby!” Mush and Blink chanted together, but stopped when they realised it wasn’t the right time to celebrate.

“So he’s gone back home?” Race asked hesistanly.

”probably.” Albert said.

”Okay, alright. We’ll just go and get him then.” Spot said, calming Race down.

“You guys stay here, I’ll go and pick him up. If what you told us is right, then he might still be on his way there.” Spot explained.

”What? You’re not going alone!” Albert said.

Race just touched his arm and shook his head; he shouldn’t argue with Spot. 

“Yeah, Okay, Whatever. You just stay put. The party is in like, ten minutes. People will be here soon.” Blink said.

Everyone nodded, and Albert resigned and did stay. 

Race hugged Spot goodbye for the moment, and a pit formed in his stomach. 

It would be over soon. 

* * *

Elmer had gotten back to his place a while ago; but he couldn’t bring himself to leave.

Him and Kyle were in the middle of a screaming match; and Elmer was standing his ground well.

They were both staring at each other from across the room; chests heaving, and hearts hammering. 

“You can’t fucking leave me Elmer!” Kyle shouted. 

Elmer cringed, expecting a punch, but he was stood as far away as possible from the guy he once loved. 

“It’s me and you against the world! We have fun! You can’t leave!” Kyle shouted again, but this time it was more pleading. 

It was an act, of course it was. Kyle couldn’t actually be sad that Elmer was ending it; otherwise he wouldn’t have hit him so many times.

A guy could only take so many thrown bottles, split heads and bruises before he left; even if it had taken a while for Elmer to come to his senses. 

“Oh please, Kyle! You don’t fucking love me! Let me go!” Elmer yelled from his position across the room. 

A dark shadow seemed to cover Kyle’s face, and he stormed across the room in front of Elmer’s face; breathing in the scent of his breath. 

“You’ve been drinking. We always have fun when we’re drunk; it’s better that way. We could have fun now.” Kyle breathed out, grazing his lips on Elmer’s neck.

Elmer shivered. It felt good, of course it did; but Kyle wasn’t Albert, and he had gotten a taste of what he wanted this morning-and it definitely wasn’t this.

He didn’t want the lies and faked feelings; and he didn’t want to feel attached to something that he wasn’t invested in anymore. 

He didn’t want the arms that had once been comforting that were now restricting; or the smile that had given him butterflies, that now only made him sick to his stomach.

It wasn’t right. Right now, he just wanted Albert and his friends; he just needed to get out. 

“Get off.” Elmer said, he pushed Kyle off of him; despite stumbling at the slight drunkenness he felt. 

Kyle sneered at him and leaped forward, swinging his fist into Elmer’s face.

That hurt, and Elmer stumbled back bringing his hand to his face. It would definitely bruise.

”You little bitch! You don’t get to decide what’s best for you! I do! And what’s best for you, is to stay here with me, and stop whoring yourself out to your fucking friends!” Kyle shouted.

Now Elmer was scared. He thought he could handle it, but right now, he knew he couldn’t. 

Get out. Get out. His mind screamed at him. Just get out.

Elmer stumbled as he tried to get to the door, but Kyle caught him around his waste easily, and shoved him to the floor.

Kyle stood over Elmer, leaning down and grabbing his shirt collar. 

“It’s a good thing I love you so much, because no one else would; without me, you’d be alone.” Kyle whispered evily into his ear.

Elmer’s breathing had picked up pace; he was panicking. 

Kyle raised his fist up, and Elmer shut his eyes tight. This was probably it. 

 

Suddenly, the door burst open, and Spot came rushing in, tackling Kyle off of Elmer.

“Get the fuck off you fucking bastard!” Kyle yelled as he struggled to gain the upper hand against Spot.

”its a good job you’ve had some fucking drinks, you pathetic piece of shit!” Spot spat in Kyle’s face. 

Kyle continued to wriggle under Spot, but he wasn’t going anywhere. Spot was prepared this time. 

He leant down and spoke quietly into Kyle’s ear; but it was definitely not for comfort. 

“You’re gonna pack up and leave this apartment; go back to your fucking family, and never contact Elmer again. If you ever come back here, I will personally rip your dick off and stuff it down your throat. Or maybe I’ll bash your skull in, let you bleed out somewhere, alone.” Spot whispered threateningly.

”I don’t believe you, you fucking dick!” Kyle replied, still moving.

”I hoped I wouldn’t have to do have this, but you’ve left me no choice.” Spot said.

He pulled Kyle’s arm back, twisting it until it cracked. 

Kyle screamed out loudly and desperately. Elmer put his hands over his ears, and pushed himself further into the floor, wishing he was any where but here.

”I’ve broken one fucking arm, and I’ll do the other. That should get my point across. Pack up your things you fucking prick; you ain’t coming back here again.” Spot climbed off of Kyle.

He hurried over to Elmer, dragging him into his lap and looking at his face. He had to pry Elmer’s hands off of his face to see the damage.

”Elmer, hey hey, ssshh, it’s okay.” He whispered, this time, he was quiet and comforting. 

Fresh bruises scattered the left side of Elmer’s face, and Spot cringed at the damage. 

“It’s okay, it’s okay. You can get up, we can leave. It’s over, I promise.” Spot said.

Kyle was moaning in pain across the floor.

Spot put his hand over Elmer’s face as they got up.

”Don’t look, it’s okay.” Spot said.

They went to walk out, Spot supporting Elmer’s weight as he stumbled; shocked and hurting. 

A snarl reached across the room, like a noose tying itself around Elmer’s throat.

”If you leave, I’ll kill myself!” Kyle called out from his position on the floor. 

Tears were streaming down his face, mixed with mucus and some blood. Spot may have punched him several times. 

Elmer hesitated in his walking, wanting desperately to turn around and go back to Kyle. He didn’t want him to die.

”Stop. Don’t look. Just keep walking.” Spot said.

Elmer turned around sharply; Spot’s hand slipped from covering his eyes.

”You wouldn’t though! You’re a fucking coward!” Elmer screamed at Kyle.

Kyle glared at him, his ‘nice’ act crumbling; turning into the manipulative and abusive one he was well known for. 

“You’re right, I don’t need you. I wouldn’t dare kill myself; it’s  better if you did, though. Cause you leave, and you’re nothing!” Kyle yelled back. His voice was raspy from screaming.

Spot quickly swooped his arms around a shocked Elmer, and dragged him outside; slamming the door behind them. 

Elmer collapsed in Spot’s arms, and they fell to the floor. He cradled Elmer in his arms as he cried.

”its okay, it’s over....” Spot said.

Elmer snorted out a pathetic laugh. 

“Jesus, if you weren’t there....I don’t know what would have happened....i’d probably be dead. I...I thought he was just ill or something....I didn’t think-“ Elmer broke off into sobs again.

Spot understood though. The reason Elmer had stayed so long was because he thought he could help Kyle; he thought he still loved him.

”okay, its okay. It’s done, and you’re safe.” Spot said again. He tried to convince himself more than Elmer though. He needed it to be over.

”i’m tired.” Elmer mumbled out.

”Yeah, I know. Looks like you’ve already had pre-drinks.” Spot joked.

Elmer laughed; it was a care free, drunk giggle. Spot was thankful for it none the less. 

He tipped Elmer’s head up, analysing where Kyle had punched him. 

“He hits like a bitch. You’ll be fine. We’ll get you some aspirin and you can sleep, or something.” Spot said.

Elmer nodded into Spot’s shirt, and they sat in silence.

The apartment block corridor was quiet, and Elmer was dozing off slightly into Spot’s embrace.

Spot swore he could hear shuffling on the other side of the door, so he got Elmer up, and quickly ushered him outside the building to the car. 

They were safe, and Elmer would get over all of this; forget it had all happened.

And the person that would help Elmer forget the most, was back at Blink’s place; probably being distracted by Race giving him shots.

Spot smiled genuinely for the first time in forever. 

* * *

 

“Okay Race, I think you could drink any of us under the table; Albert is practically gone.” Mush laughed.

Race had been playing some sort of drinking game with Albert. Mush swore he had made it up, just for a good distraction. 

“Yeah, Okay. Hey Albert, get up.” Race laughed, and he nudged Albert’s shoulder.

His head shot up, and he grinned at Albert and Race.

Specs and Romeo were dancing drunkenly in the middle of the room; losts of other people surrounding them, dancing as well. Looks like Blink had started another great party. 

Mush analysed the room, and there were even more people here than the other party they had had; many of them he didn’t recognise.

”guys, have I ever told you about this adorbale guy? He’s so fucking hot.” Albert began his all famous drunk ramblings.

”Oh god.” Race said, and he rolled his eyes.

Mush laughed. “At least you don’t have to live with him; he talks about Elmer all the time!” He said.

Albert playfully glared at Mush through his drunken haze. 

“Come on big guy, you can sleep it off.” Race said and he got Albert up, taking him to one of the spare rooms.

Blink and Specs were lucky that their place had so many spare rooms. No one else wanted to share with Blink; he got loud at times-but Specs was also loud, so they had agreed to share.

Race came back out to talk to Mush.

”aren’t you drinking, Mushy?” Race asked.

”Nah, I’m waiting for Spot and Elmer. You think they’re okay?” Mush replied.

Race was about to say that he didn’t know, but he smiled widely when he saw Spot helping Elmer into the house.

”Elmer!” Mush and Race yelled at the same time.

They went up to the two boys and hugged Elmer.

”What happened?” Race asked Spot, motioning to Elmer’s face. 

“Kyle got a few punches in before I got there. He’s okay though, no damage.” Spot frowned as he said it.

Race nodded and grabbed Spot’s hands.

”and your knuckles?” He asked.

Spot smiled sheepishly at Racetrack.

”Guess I got a few of my own hits in.” He said.

Race playfully hit Spot’s head, and he kissed him.

Elmer perked up from his conversation with Mush.

”he broke his fucking arm!” He said, but he laughed as he said it. 

“What!?” Race said, and dragged Spot by his ear away from Elmer and Mush.

They laughed as they left, and Elmer sighed.

”I need a fucking drink.” He said.

Mush smiled in relief at Elmer’s upbeat mood. He had a thought and he grinned.

 

He and Elmer drank some and talked about random stuff; like how Elmer’s dancing was going, and how Mush’s essays were coming along. 

Then Jack, Davey, Katherine and Sarah walked over; each of them hugged Elmer.

”its good to see you, man!” Jack shouted over the music, and Elmer smiled in response.

”Don’t bug him, Jack. How have you been, El?” Davey asked.

Elmer moved his hand in a ‘so, so’ motion.

Katherine and Sarah smiled at him, and they all broke back into conversation; filled with laughter of tales of times that Elmer had recently missed. 

Blink came over and wrapped his arms around Mush’s waste. 

“Hey hey heeeeeyy!!” He said drunkenly.

Mush laughed and kissed his cheek.

”didn’t you have a plan, Mushy?” Blink asked as he nuzzled into his neck.

Everyone looked at Mush expectantly, except for Elmer, who was watching the surroundings of the room. He was quite drunk by this point. Mush snorted, he was such a light weight.

”indeed I do, Blinky. Come on Elmer.” Mush said, grabbing Elmer’s arm gently, and leading him through the crowd to one of the spare rooms.

Elmer giggled; “where are we going? I ain’t tired.”

Mush rolled his eyes; “I dunno, man.” He said.

He opened the door, and Elmer stumbled in laughing at Mush’s actions.

”You’re so weird, Myers” 

“Shut it, Kasprzak.” Mush quipped back. 

Mush shut the door behind him as he left,  and Elmer laughed into the dark.

He figured he was pretty tired, so he stumbled over to the bed and went to lay down; but he saw Albert who was dozing quietly. 

Okay...he was going to kill Mush.

Albert shuffled awake, opening his eyes. He squinted in the darkness to see Elmer, who had decided to straddle him and observe his sleeping form.

”heya Elmer!” Albert said cheerily.

”Hey.” Elmer mumbled. 

They just looked at each other in the darkness, and Albert became impatient. God, they were both fucking wasted-Elmer more so; he could never hold his liquor. 

“Can I-“ Albert said, and Elmer nodded as he leaned up and kissed Elmer; much like he had this morning.

”fuck” Elmer groaned out as Albert tugged his hair slightly.

Albert switched their positions so he was leaning over Elmer, and he trailed his lips down his neck.

Elmer shifted underneath him, arching up and running his hands over Albert’s back.

”jesus Christ you’re fucking hot.” Albert mumbled out between kisses.

The moment became heated, and they both knew that they had wanted this for a long time; knowing that it was perfect, and filled with love. 

“I love you.” Albert mumbled out, and Elmer did a sharp intake of breath.

Either from Albert hitting a sweet spot on his neck, or because no one had ever meant it when they said that they loved him.

”You’re perfect.” Elmer said, and he brought Albert’s face up to kiss him more.

Albert smiled and he wrestled Elmer’s shirt off, and then his own.

Elmer snickered as Albert got his shirt stuck for a moment, but eventually threw it off.

”Don’t laaauugghh” Albert pouted.

He trailed his hands down Elmer’s torso, and Elmer squirmed slightly when Albert’s fingers trailed to his side slightly.

”You’re fucking adorable” Albert mumbled out.

He trailed kisses down Elmer’s chest to his abdomen; and Elmer moaned as Albert whispered sweet nothings on his journey to his waist band. 

“You want me to?” Albert asked, pausing. 

Elmer nodded eagerly, and he arched up as Albert pulled down the waist band of his pants, sliding his trousers and boxers off.

All of their actions were sloppy in their drunken haze; and although Elmer was drunk, he knew that it was nothing like when he was with Kyle. He knew that Albert meant every word he had said, and he knew that he would mean everything when he would repeat it sober. 

Elmer’s breathing picked up as Albert took him into his mouth; he moaned and Albert smirked-working his thumbs into Elmer’s hips. 

Albert moaned around Elmer, and Elmer reacted quickly; arching up and coming as Albert let him go.

The teasing and sweet nothings made him feel like he had been lifted up. Albert was special like that.

Albert layed on Elmer’s chest, admiring his flushed face. He loved being up close, because he could count the freckles that dusted Elmer’s face; and the dimples that emerged whenever he smiled.

Elmer put his hand on Albert’s face, and they smiled at each other; this moment was perfect, and they knew that everything would work out. 

They loved each other, and they had ever since they were younger; maybe even as soon as they had met.

Elmer didn’t know why he had given this all up; but if there was one thing he had learned, it was that: you can’t pretned everything is okay, for the sake of what you’ve built. 

And that meant everything to him. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! It’s offically the end!
> 
> I’m glad people have enjoyed this fic, seen as it is my first! I plan on writing a lot more fics, so stay tuned :) 
> 
> :D


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